I am leaving oh god.

Comment responses!
Elle: You're so sweet. I try to go for beautiful pictures, but sometimes it just ends up being whatever suits my mood/the weather/what I had for lunch/whatever my brain is spinning full of at the moment.
Rio: We are so in this together. I may not be in the same city as you anymore (as of Sunday) but we should totally be home girls! (I felt really geeky saying that)
Mich: .... the laundry was deceivingly smaller looking due to the mirrors. It was two laundry baskets full... stacked atop one another, then cascading onto the floor. Almost like a hot laundry sundae. Luckily I don't really smell all that bad or I wouldn't have anyone wanting to come over. :P

Life and stuff:
Sunday I take my 9/10 hour drive north to the community I'll be teaching in starting on Tuesday..... Hyperventilating here!!!! Oh shit. Like I actually have to teach. And I'll actually have to do report cards. Shit fuck lol. I better not talk like that in my classroom....

Ok, dilemma here. I'll be there for a while without Greg... 2 months to be exact, because he's going on his farm internship thing. ... Should I bring my scale with me? I'll be living at a friends place until I get an apartment/house for Greg and I. I don't want it to seem obvious by carrying the scale with me to the bathroom every morning. Sometimes when I don't have a scale I'm more careful than normal... Like when I went to Fargo for the weekend. After very little food and driving for 6 hours I came out a winner... then ate a bunch of bread when I got home.

Grad dinner last night was awesome! My program leader, who is also my associate dean said "You're looking so slim and trim. You look great!" and my other fellow early years person also commented on it. I guess their brains are stuck on seeing me at 256 because I haven't really lost anything for quite some time now. It was still nice to hear though, and I will definitely take a compliment.

The bones in my wrist are beginning to have a definite point on the outer edges! Hoorah! By the end of summer, I'd like to be able to see some of the tendons in my feet. :)

Skinny feet here I come (not just skinny feet, but you know what I mean)

And I WILL be doing couch to 5k again, but this time hopefully finishing it :)

Ni-night ladies <3

Hey Blog

Warning: this is a long one.

Well hello there blog... it's been a while. Well not as long as it seems. Somehow in the shitty blogger shuffle my last post disappeared. I've been so busy... mostly doing nothing but planning for my upcoming job.... which they emailed me and asked if I could start like NOW. Actually they asked if I could start on the 16th... but I said no, I'd start the week after that. So this week has been stupid busy trying to get everything ready for my big move. I'm going up without Greg. I'm going to be there without him for a month. Crashing at a girlfriends place until I can find a suitable housing arrangement. And he was offered this farm mentor-ship program which would occupy him for June and July, and possibly August if he takes it. So I'll have a summer without him. I'm a little sad, but he's promised me he'd write me letters.

THIS IS A GOOD THING --> because I've been fucking bouncing back and forth in the same 3 stupid pounds. I need to start writing down what I eat then reduce it again. I need to get this done proper like. I'd also like to give the couch to 5k another try. 2nd times a charm? Actually with me it takes 3 or 4 tries to succeed at anything new. *sigh* I need some motivation. My friend Vikki did it. And she fucking rocked it. She just did her jog 10/walk 1. I'm so proud of her.

We (bf and I) went and looked at new bikes for me because my current bike is a 5 speed from the 70's and it's seriously lacking oh I dunno, a 1st gear, and a frame that actually fits me. Oh and the road tires, Winnipeg's roads are so bad (especially the right side, conveniently where the bike lane is located) that I'm at risk of blowing a tire everytime I travel. But Greg being the cheap fucker he is (I love him I swear, but he's so god damn cheap it hurts) said "why don't we just go to the bike dump and get a free one there". Yeah, will my free bike have an extremely light aluminum frame? NO Will it have the "trigger" kind of gear shifter I like... NO. Will it's brakes work better than mine do right now (they don't very well lol) NO. Gah. I'm not so broke that I couldn't afford a bike. Plus, I'd like to have something to do while I'm in Flin Flon (read, another way to exercise) and I'm not bringing my stupid shitty bike with me there. Really. I know that $400 is expensive, but it was the second cheapest of the kind I want that they have. And it's a good name brand with quality parts that won't need replacing right away. I just want to buy it anyway when he's not looking. So instead I went shopping today.... more on that later.

So the dresses I ordered from Etsy do not fit me because I'm a lazy ass. I'm graduating at a size 14. FUck My Life.  Here are my current options for my grad dinner on Thursday eve. (please don't mind the huge laundry pile behind me or the bajillion scarves piled in my apartment. ... or my fattness)

This purple dress was only $20. It has a bubble hem but I feel like I'm trying too hard in it. Also, sorry for the crappy phone pictures. Greg took the camera off on his adventure to the self sufficient farm he's visiting today.

This one is more summery and more me I think. But I'm fat so my perception is skewed.

Also I bought a white cardigan at a vintage shoppe this afternoon hoping I could wear it to dinner to cover the little bubble of fat I have at my armpit.... bleah

I feel like the little coral and pink flowers with the greenery really compliment my colouring. Also I could wear pearls with this outfit... and I fucking love pearls. Ok, so I guess I decided on my own then. Now I just need to find some hose to wear underneath. *sigh* 

I bought that flowered dress today, and the sweater. And I bought Greg's little brother's birthday gift (a small bottle of cognac that lucky bugger). and I got Greg an antique straight razor which he's wanted since we got engaged. He thought he should also get some kind of gift if he had to buy me a ring. So I agreed... but I'm a little slow on the draw hahaha.

What else is new?

I went to a girlfriends place over the weekend. I hadn't seen her since my Mom's funeral (2006) and before that when I was in grade nine!! like 2003 I think? Anyway. There was a gang of us girls who were practically inseparable~ and we all made it to the party! And ya know what? I was the slimmest of them all. That never happened when we were young. I was always the fat friend. It doesn't help that 2 of the 4 of them have had kids. It was still kind of nice. Also, for one night I got to be the person I used to be. They didn't have to know about my depression or struggle with weight/food/exercise. I was the happy positive person they knew in elementary and middle school and jr. high. I think I'd like to be that person again. 

New plan:

Go to Flin Flon. Start Couch to 5K.....

Come back for the month of July. Use the boot camp voucher I bought (good for one month of boot camp)

Look semi-acceptable by the end of July.

Keep working out when I go back to Flin Flon in August

Alright, well you've listened to me ramble on for quite some time. I think you deserve some inspiration! I've come this far in one year... in another year perhaps I will be closer to these ladies. :)

Love you lovely ladies. 

I'm still around... :P Get it. Around

Hey all. Nothing new and exciting. I'm SLOWLY .... ever so freaking slowly moving down the scale. :) Just a quickie here ;) cuz I know you all love those ;)

1) Went to the Dr. today about my 2 week periods.... he ordered some blood work tomorrow. That means fasting from this evening (10pm). I thought about lieing to Greg and telling him I needed to fast longer... but I'm paranoid that will fuck up my blood work or something.

2) I told said Greg that I wanted to do a cleanse again.. he said those are stupid. But then clarified with "I hate it when people call them cleanses" and suggest WE do a water fast instead.... Um. Yes please. I asked him how long ... he said 18 days, and I gasped. Ok. I'm sure I wouldn't need to eat during that period of time, but I can barely go half a day without trying to decide when I'm next eating, what the best way to get that into me is, and what it is going to be. I'm obsessed with thinking about eating. Seriously. I walk to my bus and I"m like. hmmm what am I going to have for lunch? Oh, that's so and so many hours away.... I could ... blah blah blah, my mind just keeps going. And when I eat junk (aka binge because that seems to be the only time I really eat the stufff... all or nothing baby) I calculate when I will eat it, how many calories I'm ingesting per episode of whatever I'm watching. It really is exhausting.

Anywho. I hope that there is something wrong with my thyroid and that I can just go on some kind of medication... which may aide in losing weight at the same time. Because let me tell you. I'm walking all over the place, and I've started biking to destinations for groceries etc. and I'm not eating the 1300 calories my body would like me to have to maintain a steady weight... but I am not losing weight. I am. But BARELY. Ugh..... At least I'm out of the 190's. That was a huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge motherfucking hump.

Ok. I'm out for now. I have to make dinner *sigh*. If Greg wasn't kidding about fasting, I'll let you know. Also, does anyone have any info on fasting? Like can I drink tea on a fast?

Pretties, for my pretties... that sounded like the wicked witch. :P