I know that sounded really sarcastic.... lol. But it really really is.
Food Wise: Been doing alright. Haven`t been eating the best food but have been doing it in moderation. . . most of the time. Today I`m back to protein shakes, though I`m leaving for the city in like 2 days anyway.
Exercise Wise: I've been doing alright. Have NOT been working out every day :( Though I have tried to at least go for a walk every day. Yesterday I didn't do shit, but I'll explain later.
Men (life) Wise: This is where it gets exciting... I'll give you a day by day. So Clayton has been texting me that he's trying to come home and was going to talk to his boss to try and get home on the weekend. Here are the events that followed:
Thursday - Went out to Baker's Campground with Hollee (Tim's wife). She's not the social butterfly that I am, so it was kinda quiet. Texted with Clayton as long as I could but reception cuts out around like 10 pm hahah. At 6:30 in the morning I get a text from him that says "Good morining. I'm coming home". I'm like squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.... Oh SHIT. He's going to think I'm fat and ugly and not want to be around me.
Friday -OK. You should keep in mind before I tell this story, that there has be A LOT of sexy texting leading up to Clayton coming home. I mean like dirty stuff. Not as graphic and vulgar as Muscles, but pretty close. I spend most of the day at the camp ground. I leave around 4pm. I felt bad leaving any earlier because Tim couldn't come out until after 5 because of work and I didn't want to leave her alone, but I really wanted to go home and freak out some more. At like 6 Clayton texts me, "Is there a Tornado watch for Swan River". I look, yup there is! lol. So he powers through, gets home at like 8:30. Texts me to tell me he has to check on the horses and shower, then we should see each other if I don't have other plans. I tell him I'm just relaxing at home. He asks if I want to come see the horses with him. Of course I do! He asks me if I remember where he lives. Oh do I ever. But then he's like, wait, that's very rude of me. I'll come get you. Sooooo we grab a case of beer on the way out of town and head out to the ranch. Gosh. The horses are gorgeous. His horse is all mad at him because he's been away at camp for like 2 months straight, but his Mom's horse is a total sweet heart and totally loves me. We have a couple of beer in the veranda of the little cabin out there, and talk about life and stuff. :) Going well so far. He asks me if I want to go home yet. I say no. He suggests we get more beer (we bought a minimal amount) and go to his parents cabin (they live in a cabin) and have a bonfire. I think that sounds like a great idea. So we go to town, and come back to the cabin. Sit around the bonfire for a bit (it's late at this point) and he suggests a quad ride. Haha. He totally just wanted me to put my arms around him. So we go. It's fast and exciting. :D What a thrill, my hair whipping around (looked like shit afterwards). We get back, and drink more beer, he's all flirty and teasing me. It's adorable. Keep in mind I'm calling a 30 year old man with a beard adorable lol. Like everything I want out of life he also wants. He asks if I want to go watch a movie I agree. So we sit on the couch for like 10 minutes channel surfing, then the lays down and pulls me onto his chest. That lasted all of like 5 minutes. He was holding me and then he said "god, you smell good" . . . 2 minutes later "Ok. That's it, I'm going down on you like right now". Pulls me off to the bedroom, we're making out in a frenzy (I haven't had this feeling in forever. Billy never got to the heat of passion frenzied kisses where you just NEED to have someone like NOW). Sooooo that happens for some time and then the other things that normally follow it happen.... like 4 or 5 times. More for me, I didn't count. It was light out by the time we were going to sleep. In the morning we lay around being lazy until like 11:30. He needs to get fuel for his truck and asks me if I want to go home. I say I need to shower and stuff. He's going to Thompson to pick up his boat anyway that day.
Saturday - He leaves for Thompson at like noon. It's a 4 hour drive. I figured he'd probably stay there over night. I go to the campground for supper with Tim and Hollee at like 6. Stay there until 9:30. While I'm there Clayton texts to say he's at a buddy's place and I probably don't want to go there because the guys are a little wild. He says "I just got here" at 8:30... silly me thinks oh, he just got to Thompson.... well I guess I'm not seeing him tonight. So I stop texting him... at like 1:30 (I'm still up since I never sleep) he texts me "Come get me". I ignore it thinking he's still 4 hours away.... he texts me a couple more times but I go to bed shortly after that. At like 3:30 he calls me and asks me if I can come get him. Says there are shenanegans going down at the party he's at. I get there... there are no shenanegans lol. He just wants to see me. He's very drunk it's cute. He runs his hand through my hair while I'm driving :) I ask him where to? He says my place. I say negatory. He says well you can drive me home but only if you stay with me. Haha. Of course I'll stay, I say, but you have to promise to be good. We can't sleep with each other this time. Why not he asks. Because I don't want to just be your fuck buddy. He gets all mad and starts ranting about girls in this town, and how if he wanted one of those he would have one. I ask him why he's getting so mad. And he says well you just told me you wanna be a fuck buddy, and I just didn't want that at all. I correct him, no I DON'T want to be your fuck buddy. He laughs, oh well then. I ask him what he does want. He says, I dunno, I figure I'll get to know you a little, maybe marry ya. He also says, I'll never hurt you, I'm not that kind of guy. I say watch out, I'm a heartbreaker. He says, well I hope you don't break my heart, it would be easy for you to do. We get to his house and he starts putting his arms around me and kissing my neck (I knew this would happen.... lol. I'm awful like that). The kissing starts and then just doesn't stop. It's 4 by the time we get there, and it's at least 6 before we decide that it's sleep time and that the bed is too wet and move to the couch. Yeah. Because that's what you do on a couch... sleep. Hahahhahha.. .... we did. But probably not until like 7. At one point I tried to get the blanket out from under us, he asked what's wrong, I said I'm cold. He pulled me onto his chest and asked if I was cold now. No. :) Warm and fuzzy. We move back to the bed because couch sleep isn't that great with 2 people at like 9ish.... good thing too because a couple hours later I hear someone come into the cabin and shut his door.... half naked girl and boy on couch, not a sight for children/family members.
Sunday - We laze around in his room and fool around, fool around a bit. It's at least 1 before we even attempt to get up. My whole body is tired, his is hungover lol. We get up, his sister and her kid (who's 15) are there. I probably look guiltier than a hooker in church, he's all grins even though he feels like shit. We sit around talking with his sister until like 4 then we go to get his truck from in town where he left it. He asks me if I'm coming over? I say I need to go home and do some stuff. He says he's going to go home and go back to bed, he thinks he's getting sick yet on top of the hangover. I say text if you want company. He says he'll call me. Poor guy, like 10 minutes after I dropped him off he texts me to say he just threw up, and sorry he was such poor company. I say we've all been there, go to sleep. At like 8:30 I text him to see how he's doing. At 9 he texts back "I am so sick". Soo I figure he probably needs to be home and sleep it off. I went to bed at like 11. At 12:30 my friend Dave calls me and asks me if I can give him a ride home. Usually he stumbles home when he's drunk, and declines my offers of a ride home, but be tripped and mucked up his face and he's like 2 blocks from my house. I tell him of course. I go downstairs, with a towel, he's already there... but a towel will not be good enough. I take him upstairs and give him the proper tools to get washed up with. He spends like 15 minutes telling me he's sorry for calling me, and how he didn't mean to wake up me or anything. I tell him it's fine, I'd rather him come here and me know he's ok than hear about someone finding him in a ditch the next morning. I get him a rag, to clean up with. He's a mess, but kissing pavement will do that to you. I was standing outside the bathroom talking to him and at one point he looked up at me and winked.... and well as much as I think he's hot, we've never been those friends. He gets cleaned up and attempts to clean my counter up. Did a pretty good job considering he was using the same face cloth he cleaned up with to wipe up the blood around the sink. He's finally ready to go, we go down to my car, he's so drunk he can't put his shoes on, so he carries them lol. He also can't operate the door handle on my car. I have to move him over, open the door then help him in. He's like, you coming in for a beer? I'm like sure.... (no I want to make sure you don't face plant in your living room). His dogs, plus the 2 he's dog sitting, had pulled something out of the garbage can, so he gets the broom, I have to pee so I sneak away to the bathroom. After I get distracted by the 2 pitbulls and the 2 giant black dogs, and start playing around with them. Dave yells, hey, come ere. I go to the living room, he's sitting on the floor lol. I help him up. He gives me what I imagine he thinks is a sexy look, and then starts to lift my shirt. I'm like, HEY I don't know what you think is about to happen here, but it's not what you're thinking right now. He's like, hey, I don't know what you're talking about. I convince him it's time go to bed. He holds out his hand and I hold it for a moment, give his big toe a yank and say good night. Yeesh lol.
Now it's Sunday. Who knows what today will bring.. . . it's cloudy then sunny. Mother nature must be on her rag. Thank god I'm on the shot!
Love you ladies. Hope you all had a great long weekend (if it's a long weekend where you are)
XOXO
Nessa
Monday, August 6, 2012
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Rainy days . . . blarg
Hey all :) Nice to get comments on my vlog post. Sorry it was so long.... ugh. I hate that lol
Sooo like I said in my vlog. I'm about the size I was at 180 last summer, but I'm hovering around 205. I'm coming to terms with this. . . . Building muscle is a good thing. Plus I look at my face at 180 and it definitely is more defined right now even though I'm heavier.
Food wise: I've been doing protein shakes for breakfast and lunch with 2 snacks, then something either a salad or something else healthy like salmon and wild rice and asparagus. Until a week and a half ago when I went down south to visit with family and friends and drop Kat off with her family. Then my eating went to shit. Though somehow I came home a pound lighter and an inch smaller around my waist. Don't ask me how that happened. Of course any progress is immediately sabotaged by myself. Soooo I ate shitty for 2-3 more days here, but now I'm getting back on track. I went to see a nutritionist because of my 30 pound weight gain over the winter (which kept going all the way until May) and she told me not to be so hard on myself when I have a weak moment because it will cause me to stress eat, which it totally does. Soooo I'm doing my best to not freak out about indiscretions. And I can't feel too badly about eating bread or something worse, since throwing myself back into two liquid meals per day is kind of drastic.
Excercise wise: Before I went down south, Kat and I were walking around the lake/doing the hills here every morning. Sometimes I'd work out in the afternoon and then Mon/Wed/Fri we'd do Couch to 5K. Since I pretty much let myself go hardcore after that 5k I did on Halloween. In fact, I would say that the 30 pounds i gained was between Halloween and May. That's 7 months... I can't believe I let myself go again. But at least I caught it before it got really out of hand. Well I wouldn't exactly consider this under control.... Anywho, since being back from the city, I've kept up with my running. I'm doing some pilates/yoga randomly, but my motivation is lacking. But something is better than nothing right? I've been walking a lot, like I walked across town to visit my friend's mom on Friday afternoon. Sunday morning I walked across town to pick up my car after a drunk night. Actually it wasn't that bad. I was the designated driver until we got back to town from the beach, which was like 1am. Then I had 4 or 5 drinks and was pretty wasted. Ah yes, the life of a lush! I gained some mega alcohol tolerance dating Billy. Speaking of...
Men wise: Well I'm single as I'm sure you've gathered by now. And as you are already aware... my life revolves around men. . . And I like it that way. lol. Sooooo I think i vlogged about Barry, and Anthony, and I said i would leave Clayton until next time.
So here's the deal with Clayton. Mystery man who drove me home when my plane wouldn't land at Easter? Bing-o! Yes, sooo while I was stuck in a town an hour and a half away (in good weather) and Billy's mother wouldn't let him come get me in her 4/4 with studded tires because the roads were too bad (eye roll), Clayton's mom was bringing him his big truck, only I didn't know his name until we finally were leaving the airport. I figured if I was getting in a car with strangers I should at least know the name of the one who was rescuing me. Clayton and I got a ride out of town to the Snow Lake turn off, and waited half an hour in some other guys car (like an old old guy. He was picking up an employee from the airport). The topic of a boyfriend on my part didn't even come up until we'd been waiting at the corner for a good 20 minutes. He asked me "so who are you with in Flin Flon?" and I asked "What do you mean?" and he said "Well you must have a boyfriend" and i was like ummm yeah I'm with Billly Williamson. but i was reluctant to tell him, which never happens to me. He was just so sweet and nice and I don't know what i wanted him to think. I think I just wanted to enjoy someone liking me the way I am, talking to me, without any pre-conceived notions attached to who I was dating. And i wanted him to see me as single and available. I swear to god this didn't ever happen before or after this in my relationship. Maybe I was mad that Billy refused to come with me to spend time with my family, after all at that point we'd been together 7 months and none of my Dad's family had met him. Maybe I was tired of not feeling loved, or at least not being told I was loved (that's right, Billy didn't tell me he loved me in the whole 10 months we were dating). Anyway, whatever the reason, I didn't want to tell Clayton. But I can't lie so of course I did. Anywho, his mom showed up with his truck. Turns out he actually lives 20 minutes (in good weather) out of town. Lol. So I hop in the back seat, and we drop his mom off on the way (I wasn't sure why... since she's already in the truck). She gets out of the truck and says something like "have fun you two, but not too much fun". Hahahahh.... really?? he told her I was with Billy. Anyway, then we drove like 40 minutes to Flin Flon for him to drop me off at my house, meaning he has to drive 40 minutes back to wherever he lives.
Fast forward to July 19th, he messages me on Facebook while i'm driving down to Winnipeg, asking what's up. I tell him I'm heading down south. He asks if Billy and I are on holiday? I tell him that he isn't in the picture anymore, he asks what happened, I said we wanted different things. He said better to figure that out before anything gets serious and someone ends up hurt. I said you bet. He said we should hang out when you get back, and to message him when I'm home. He was on his way home for 2 weeks. A couple days later he messages me again, all hey how's it going? How's the city. I tell him I'm partying, he says live it up down there. Then he messages me every day while I'm down there. Halfway through the week he gets called back to work. Shitty deal for him, he was relaxing on a boat on a lake when he got the call lol. I got home on the 26th, he sends me his phone number so we can text instead of facebook message. He wants the same things as me, a family, a wife (well I want a husband) and a home. He's actually planning to buy a house in the Fall. We talk about life and relationships, he tells me he's liked me since he met me and has been thinking about me since then. I tell him I think we have the cutest "how we met" story every. He said he's been thinking the same thing.
Last night he called me. It was super cute. His phone has a horrible speaker so he could only hear half of what i was saying. He said he was sorry that he always falls asleep while we're texting, and it's not that i'm boring and that he really likes me and he can't wait to come home to spend time with me.I said I wish I'd been born in the 50's so I could just be a house wife, and he said that he says he wish he'd been born in the 50's all the time. I asked him if he wanted me to sing him a lullaby because he's so tired. (because after 6 weeks of 12 hour shifts I'd be dead to the world, never mind texting pretty girls. eff that) and he was like yes! That would be awesome. but i'm a wuss so i said i couldn't sing it would be too embarrassing. so he told me to text it to him when we hung up. so i texted him a lullaby. He said that it was cute.
Anywho. We'll see where this goes. He's 4 years older than me (HOORAY!! Always like it when a guys older). He has a horse and a dirtbike, and a boat, and a bajillion other toys. Aaaaaaaaaaaand we have this spark of sexual tension, this un-namable click. It's neat. For all the talking Anthony and I have done about life goals and marriage and children, there was a spark missing. I'm optimistic. This would be awesome but I'm not getting my hopes up.
I told myself I would stay single until Christmas... .but I highly doubt that will happen. The way I see it, I used Billy to get over Greg and Gerard, and it worked. And because he didn't ever tell me he loved me it was easy to get over that shit. . . And I finally let Gerard go. I was thinking maybe since he's moving up north i could take this term position that is opening up in Thompson (where Anthony lives and my aunt and uncle and Gerard is moving to) and I could win him back. but since he ignored me the whole time i was in the city....eff that. Plus I read somewhere that to really be able to love someone you have to let go of old flames.ALL OF THEM. and if i'm looking for a husband.... i probably should do that.
Alright, enough babbling from me. Sorry the man category is always way longer than anything else. Essh. i just like men... and sex... a lot lol.
Kk. Love you all :) XOXO
Nessa
Sooo like I said in my vlog. I'm about the size I was at 180 last summer, but I'm hovering around 205. I'm coming to terms with this. . . . Building muscle is a good thing. Plus I look at my face at 180 and it definitely is more defined right now even though I'm heavier.
Food wise: I've been doing protein shakes for breakfast and lunch with 2 snacks, then something either a salad or something else healthy like salmon and wild rice and asparagus. Until a week and a half ago when I went down south to visit with family and friends and drop Kat off with her family. Then my eating went to shit. Though somehow I came home a pound lighter and an inch smaller around my waist. Don't ask me how that happened. Of course any progress is immediately sabotaged by myself. Soooo I ate shitty for 2-3 more days here, but now I'm getting back on track. I went to see a nutritionist because of my 30 pound weight gain over the winter (which kept going all the way until May) and she told me not to be so hard on myself when I have a weak moment because it will cause me to stress eat, which it totally does. Soooo I'm doing my best to not freak out about indiscretions. And I can't feel too badly about eating bread or something worse, since throwing myself back into two liquid meals per day is kind of drastic.
Excercise wise: Before I went down south, Kat and I were walking around the lake/doing the hills here every morning. Sometimes I'd work out in the afternoon and then Mon/Wed/Fri we'd do Couch to 5K. Since I pretty much let myself go hardcore after that 5k I did on Halloween. In fact, I would say that the 30 pounds i gained was between Halloween and May. That's 7 months... I can't believe I let myself go again. But at least I caught it before it got really out of hand. Well I wouldn't exactly consider this under control.... Anywho, since being back from the city, I've kept up with my running. I'm doing some pilates/yoga randomly, but my motivation is lacking. But something is better than nothing right? I've been walking a lot, like I walked across town to visit my friend's mom on Friday afternoon. Sunday morning I walked across town to pick up my car after a drunk night. Actually it wasn't that bad. I was the designated driver until we got back to town from the beach, which was like 1am. Then I had 4 or 5 drinks and was pretty wasted. Ah yes, the life of a lush! I gained some mega alcohol tolerance dating Billy. Speaking of...
Men wise: Well I'm single as I'm sure you've gathered by now. And as you are already aware... my life revolves around men. . . And I like it that way. lol. Sooooo I think i vlogged about Barry, and Anthony, and I said i would leave Clayton until next time.
So here's the deal with Clayton. Mystery man who drove me home when my plane wouldn't land at Easter? Bing-o! Yes, sooo while I was stuck in a town an hour and a half away (in good weather) and Billy's mother wouldn't let him come get me in her 4/4 with studded tires because the roads were too bad (eye roll), Clayton's mom was bringing him his big truck, only I didn't know his name until we finally were leaving the airport. I figured if I was getting in a car with strangers I should at least know the name of the one who was rescuing me. Clayton and I got a ride out of town to the Snow Lake turn off, and waited half an hour in some other guys car (like an old old guy. He was picking up an employee from the airport). The topic of a boyfriend on my part didn't even come up until we'd been waiting at the corner for a good 20 minutes. He asked me "so who are you with in Flin Flon?" and I asked "What do you mean?" and he said "Well you must have a boyfriend" and i was like ummm yeah I'm with Billly Williamson. but i was reluctant to tell him, which never happens to me. He was just so sweet and nice and I don't know what i wanted him to think. I think I just wanted to enjoy someone liking me the way I am, talking to me, without any pre-conceived notions attached to who I was dating. And i wanted him to see me as single and available. I swear to god this didn't ever happen before or after this in my relationship. Maybe I was mad that Billy refused to come with me to spend time with my family, after all at that point we'd been together 7 months and none of my Dad's family had met him. Maybe I was tired of not feeling loved, or at least not being told I was loved (that's right, Billy didn't tell me he loved me in the whole 10 months we were dating). Anyway, whatever the reason, I didn't want to tell Clayton. But I can't lie so of course I did. Anywho, his mom showed up with his truck. Turns out he actually lives 20 minutes (in good weather) out of town. Lol. So I hop in the back seat, and we drop his mom off on the way (I wasn't sure why... since she's already in the truck). She gets out of the truck and says something like "have fun you two, but not too much fun". Hahahahh.... really?? he told her I was with Billy. Anyway, then we drove like 40 minutes to Flin Flon for him to drop me off at my house, meaning he has to drive 40 minutes back to wherever he lives.
Fast forward to July 19th, he messages me on Facebook while i'm driving down to Winnipeg, asking what's up. I tell him I'm heading down south. He asks if Billy and I are on holiday? I tell him that he isn't in the picture anymore, he asks what happened, I said we wanted different things. He said better to figure that out before anything gets serious and someone ends up hurt. I said you bet. He said we should hang out when you get back, and to message him when I'm home. He was on his way home for 2 weeks. A couple days later he messages me again, all hey how's it going? How's the city. I tell him I'm partying, he says live it up down there. Then he messages me every day while I'm down there. Halfway through the week he gets called back to work. Shitty deal for him, he was relaxing on a boat on a lake when he got the call lol. I got home on the 26th, he sends me his phone number so we can text instead of facebook message. He wants the same things as me, a family, a wife (well I want a husband) and a home. He's actually planning to buy a house in the Fall. We talk about life and relationships, he tells me he's liked me since he met me and has been thinking about me since then. I tell him I think we have the cutest "how we met" story every. He said he's been thinking the same thing.
Last night he called me. It was super cute. His phone has a horrible speaker so he could only hear half of what i was saying. He said he was sorry that he always falls asleep while we're texting, and it's not that i'm boring and that he really likes me and he can't wait to come home to spend time with me.I said I wish I'd been born in the 50's so I could just be a house wife, and he said that he says he wish he'd been born in the 50's all the time. I asked him if he wanted me to sing him a lullaby because he's so tired. (because after 6 weeks of 12 hour shifts I'd be dead to the world, never mind texting pretty girls. eff that) and he was like yes! That would be awesome. but i'm a wuss so i said i couldn't sing it would be too embarrassing. so he told me to text it to him when we hung up. so i texted him a lullaby. He said that it was cute.
Anywho. We'll see where this goes. He's 4 years older than me (HOORAY!! Always like it when a guys older). He has a horse and a dirtbike, and a boat, and a bajillion other toys. Aaaaaaaaaaaand we have this spark of sexual tension, this un-namable click. It's neat. For all the talking Anthony and I have done about life goals and marriage and children, there was a spark missing. I'm optimistic. This would be awesome but I'm not getting my hopes up.
I told myself I would stay single until Christmas... .but I highly doubt that will happen. The way I see it, I used Billy to get over Greg and Gerard, and it worked. And because he didn't ever tell me he loved me it was easy to get over that shit. . . And I finally let Gerard go. I was thinking maybe since he's moving up north i could take this term position that is opening up in Thompson (where Anthony lives and my aunt and uncle and Gerard is moving to) and I could win him back. but since he ignored me the whole time i was in the city....eff that. Plus I read somewhere that to really be able to love someone you have to let go of old flames.ALL OF THEM. and if i'm looking for a husband.... i probably should do that.
Alright, enough babbling from me. Sorry the man category is always way longer than anything else. Essh. i just like men... and sex... a lot lol.
Kk. Love you all :) XOXO
Nessa
Thursday, July 26, 2012
Here I am
Yeah... I know I disappeared. Things with Billy got really great and I wanted to leave this world behind (and I got fat again as a result).... and then everything fell apart.... arg.
It is a really long story and I will type it.... or possibly vlog it.
DISCLAIMER: 30 MINUTES OF PURE NESSA FOLLOWS. Probably boring as shit, but I had 6 months to report on lol.
Oh.... I didn't mention Clayton hahahahah. I'll get to him next time. I'm still trying to figure this whole dating thing out.
And here's my tattoo!
Ok. I'm le tired of typing. Can't wait to start this shit up again!!!! Love you !!!!! XOXOXOXOXO Nessa
It is a really long story and I will type it.... or possibly vlog it.
DISCLAIMER: 30 MINUTES OF PURE NESSA FOLLOWS. Probably boring as shit, but I had 6 months to report on lol.
Oh.... I didn't mention Clayton hahahahah. I'll get to him next time. I'm still trying to figure this whole dating thing out.
Ok. I'm le tired of typing. Can't wait to start this shit up again!!!! Love you !!!!! XOXOXOXOXO Nessa
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