OMG I'm totally going to sabotage this relationship :( Friday I was out of town for a PD Day, and I took the night bus back. Billy picked me up at 7:15 (he is not a morning person) and did it with a smile on his face. I, being the awesome gf I am, gave him a bj that morning when we went back to his place to have a snuggle before he had to get up for work. After said bj, he said "Wow, I should pick you up from the bus more often... But then you'd have to go away, so never mind". *swoon* Then I didn't get to see him the rest of Saturday because he worked and then went to his friends to finish tiling the bathroom, and then it was "boys night". There was a kinsmen social (a men's club, so no ladies lol) and then he went to the bar (last I heard of events transpiring). Ok. Fine. I can handle a night on my own, though I wish I had also gone out... but I was recovering from the effects of the gravol I took on the bus to make me sleepy, so I went to bed at 10:30, a little miffed (irrational I know..). I woke up at like 7:30... got up. Started my day. Now here's where I fucking panic..... 11:10, I text him asking if he's up. Ok. Normally if we've been out to the bar and come home around 3 or 4 our first wake up happens at 11ish, which I realize now is mostly courtesy of me not being able to sleep very well... So no response from 11 o'clock text. 1pm... I send another, are you awake? No response. Ok. Now I'm starting to worry a little and some pretty silly things are going through my head, like maybe he went home with someone ... or brought someone home and is ashamed and is ignoring me. So 3 o'clock rolls around and I'm on my way to band... and there's a strange car I've never seen in his driveway. Well his mom is out of town until Tuesday and his dad is working out of town right now, so I of course assume the worst. I'm on the verge of crying and having a mental break down... I'm thinking a girl must have convinced him to take her home with him and now she's there and he is fucking her...... What a paranoid idiot I am. But he's pretty suggestible when he's drunk. So I phone him, and my voice is shaking and he doesn't answer. So I assume he's avoiding my call and my suspicions are confirmed... fuck me. Then he texts me "sorry I missed your call" and I say It's ok, I just wanted to make sure you were ok. He said yup... just woke up (my phone call woke him up). I ask about the car, he has no idea what I'm talking about... We go for dinner and everything is instantly better. Turns out he went partying with his brother after the bar until like 8am. Then he went to sleep... and slept until 3. Strange car? He has no idea about the one I saw, but his Dad did come into town with someone else's vehicle because the truck uses a lot of gas. So that explains that one.
What did we do about it? Went for dinner, steak, I insisted, my treat. Because he's too awesome to not reward. Went to his place. His Dad left, we had hot sex. Tried to stream a movie online, which never works when I'm there for whatever reason (I am the destroyer of internets!) Everytime it stopped he'd roll over and get all snuggly. The first time he even said "that's ok. Now I get to snuggle you". Gah. This boy. I was kissing him all over and he said "I love your kisses" and I just smiled and mentally froze (deer in headlights much)... and said something like "good. :) I like to give them to you". but what I really should have said was that I love to give them to him... or that I flat out love him. I do. I really do. This is different. There isn't that strong sense of love that is so overwhelming it hurts to think about it, that I had with Gerard, but it's there. It's a dependable, sweet, romantic love. Yup. I love him. But I'm so unhappy with my body I'm afraid my boyfriend will leave me for someone hotter..... and smaller. Even though he thinks I'm incredibly sexy... Just thinking about me and him together turns him on. But I must get smaller... for him and for me.So that's me being relationship retarded.....
Thank you ladies for all the supportive comments about my Dad. You're right, it's not confirmed yet. And even if/when it does get confirmed, there really isn't anything I can do about it. :( But it will be ok. Everything will be ok.
ALSO.... Cupcake Quandry, Peridot, Mich, andOk. Peace out for now. Happy Monday ladies. XOXORio!! Ya'll need to email me (wordsfromanaspiringhuman@gmail.com) your addresses so I can mail out your notebooks...
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