My life as per usual

A fucking whirlwind.... Such is my life! It's way more exciting that way! Also, hello new followers :) As per my style, I started this post yesterday... and am finishing it a bunch of hours later. :P

Sorry the sound is soooo quiet and unclear on this vlog... Not really sure why that happened? I'm using the webcam I usually use.  ALSO --- MADISON I wrote a transcript for you for this vlog, because you are awesome and I always feel bad that you can't watch them. :( I don't know how often I'll do a transcript, apparently I cover a lot of ground in 15 minutes lol. I will email it to you... so you should read that email, and then return to said blog to read the rest of the blog. Oh gosh, that was really commanding of me :P Sooooooo sorry lol.

I should mention that I actually had a frigging cigarette after the events of Thursday evening.. and I don't smoke. Annnnnnd so ooooo. Friday night eh? Yeah hhahaha. New boy came here, and we had some drinks and listened to music and played cribbage. Partially by camping light because the power went out in the storm. He crashed here. Great sex ensued... and then again in the morning. The morning was bittersweet because he's going to help his friend move after work, in another town, and i'm leaving on Sunday. He was all "this is probably the last time I'll see you until September". I said "that really sucks". Arg. We kind of have plans together. He is supposed to take me golfing when i get back.He has assured me he will turn me into a golfer... and then there's the marathon/run thingy-ma-jigger in October... Oh wow. Look at us making future plans... oh god. this is going to turn into a relationship. SHIT. Not that I don't want one. I just have a habit of jumping from one to the next. Although normally I bounce between polar opposites... and new boy is just him. I have not once found myself comparing him to anyone. He just is who he is. He says he will miss me while I'm gone, and keep the movie watching position open (previously when i said he'd have to find a replacement for me, he said he'd get a substitute). I said I would do the same. Well I suppose that solves my dilemma. No casual sex for me. Also, I went for coffee with Kevin the ea, and got his perspective on the sitch. Nobody else needs to know anything for now. Flin Flon is like a fucking rumour mill on steroids... Kevin is not in the mill, so he is safe. Ooo and he brought me back a magnet from Norway! Random I know.

Progress pictures will have to wait... I have to fucking trim them and make them fit the size I was using before so they don't throw off the groove...

Until next time lovelies. :) XOXO

Oh and here's some thinspo as a thank you for putting up with my long vlogs :D

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Hey bliggety-blog.  I’m getting smart with my limited dial up hours. My internet won’t be connected until the 29^th uuuuuuuuuuuuugh but I called and apparently I get 10 hours of free dial up with my plan. ... I’ve already burned through 5 of those hours. I might have to up my plan for the extra $10 this month I’ll get another 20 hours of dial up. It just takes sooo much longer to do the things I would normally do. Sorry I haven’t been reading or commenting. I’m a bad blog friend. BUT I appreciate your comments!! 5 days until internets arrive....

Not much new. I’m still fat. I went for a jog on Friday morning. It was rough, seeing as I’ve not gone for a whole week now. I was thinking about doing an extra day of week 3, but instead I think I will just go hardcore and start week 4 tomorrow... This week I’ll be on 3min jog/walk 90 seconds/ 5 min jog/90 second walk/5 minute jog/cool down walk. OMG I”M GOING TO DIE... the 3 minutes in week 4 went by quickly ... but RUNNING for 5 minutes. Shoot me now. I know that in the end I’ll be – in theory at least – able to run for 30 minutes straight, but it seems like such a stretch right now.

Since I’ve gotten back up here roomie hasn’t even talked to me L I tried to go over and say hi but she said she was busy. I was going to go get the groceries I left at her place, and she brought them over instead and left them on my door knob. I asked her if there was anything going on this weekend (party wise) she said nope, just work. ... but then “Daddy” called me on Friday night after the bar, where roomie was also partying. grr. I did not give him the nick name “Daddy” by the way, I don’t know how he got it. I refuse to use it... but I will for the purposes of this blog. Saves me the trouble of making one up. Anyway, Daddy texted me on Friday asking where I was, and saying he was at the bar not having any fun. I asked if he was inviting me to the bar? He said he was just leaving. I ask him straight up “why don’t you tell me exactly what you want?” He asks if I want to come over for a bit. I’m “busy” sewing garb for Gimli (SCA camping event) so I say sure! I’m not sure exactly to expect. I mean he seems to text me when he’s drunk.... and it’s kinda flirty, but I’m not physically attracted to him in any way. ... So I go over under the pretence that we’ll end up watching a movie. Turns out we have a lot in common and we get along really well. He offered me vodka and diet. Oooo a man who offers me diet soda with my alcohol.. I can’t resist lol.  So we watch a movie, he actually had a pretty impressive movie collection, quite a few that I really love, like quality shit! So he’s kinda funny (despite the fact that he’s not physically attractive to me) and a little bit charming. He fills me in on the night I couldn’t sit up straight. Yeah, that party where I drank butter ripple schnapps straight during a drinking game that was at his house. Apparently he was talking about how he was looking for someone to hold at said party... and I shoved my ass onto him and asked him if he would hold me like that... then said omg I’m not usually like this, don’t judge me. Yup, that sounds like me haha. Then I went back to the basement and was rubbing some other guy’s leg.... wtf. I don’t remember any of this. He asked me who I went home with that night, and I told him nobody, and that I’m not really that kind of girl. I also mentioned that despite me being moderately attractive, there don’t seem to be a lot of prospects so far. He tells me to stop saying that, and that I’m doing myself a disservice when I say that. He seems surprised that I went home alone (I would also be surprised based on my actions), he’s even more surprised that I’ve only slept with 3 guys. He says he feels bad like he’s taking advantage of me... not really lol. It’s not his fault I’ve been in relationships for 7 years. Yeah, I slept with him. It was alright.  He’s a bit chunky which was a total turnoff, though apparently I’m pretty fantastic, and my anatomy ummm “down there” is extremely pleasurable.... and then woke up at 5:30 in the morning. Aaand because I’m not sure what standard protocol is, I sneak out of his house. Ah! I thought about texting him apologizing for leaving, giving him some bs excuse like I had an early morning run scheduled? I didn’t run. I came home and binged all day. Today I went to get groceries, and he called. I left my scarf there. I’ll have to swing by and grab it sometime this week... I’ll try to bring cookies or something delightful so that I’m not left a total outcast in Flin Flon. The only people I know that roomie knows are connected to “Daddy”. If I fuck this up, I can pretty much never go to a party without it being awkward ever again. I’m fairly certain that he won’t be as tight lipped about this as I will be, so  some kind of bribe and an apology are in order. Eesh. Why did I let that happen? Oh I know.. I was lonely. Lol. From now on I only sleep with guys that make me wanna have wild animal sex with them (that’s just Sax guy as of right now by the way).

In other news... just when I thought sax guy was totally ignoring me, he says hello on facebook. Gah. WHY MUST YOU TOY WITH MY EMOTIONS.... ? Seriously, my heart does a little flutter when he pops up in my news feed.... Whatever. There is very little potential there, other than the odd casual sex when I’m in the city (which by the way, is so far the best sex I’ve had post relationship... omg. Orgasm = yummy, and an orgasm that someone puts some effort into equals even more yummy)

So since I’ve been single I’ve started reconnecting with all kinds of people from high school. Kinda nice. Another guy said hi to me on facebook chat last night (also a sax player... hmmm. What is it with them?) soooo sax guy 2 and I are talking about life and the last few years since we’ve run into each other. He tells me he had a pretty big crush on me in high school. I’m pretty sure I knew this after high school, but in high school I was tooootally unaware. He says we should get coffee the next time I’m in the city. Of course I’m so agreeable, I say sure J He was surprised. But I guess I would feel the same way if there was a guy I had a crush on all the way through high school who agreed to go for coffee with me. I don’t think I ever really had a crush on any boy that I didn’t date, and if I didn’t date them, my crush had either already fizzled or I convinced myself it would never happen... Lucky me I guess lol.

Gah. Why is it so hard to get back on the workout train? I’m doing crunches right now watching The Devil Wears Prada. I also did some squats and back lifts. Tomorrow I will run like I’ve never fucking run before. Literally, because I’ve never run for 5 minutes straight ever lol. Today I was supposed to run but I decided to make it a laxie day instead... Plus I like the Monday Wednesday Friday running schedule. Leaves a little wiggle room for days I miss or shift over. That’s me planning for laziness.

Man I’m a boy crazy lady... anybody else think the smart guy from “Numbers” the tv show (or is it just a Canadian show?) is cute? I had the biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiggest crush on him in The Santa Clause as “Bernard”. Tee hee. I love nerds. I’m a little sad that I didn’t get to game while I was in the city. My nerd friends are pretty frickin’ hot! And I love the attention I get from them. A little flirty, sometimes risque, all of which would be heightened now that I'm single. I'm such an attention whore. Maybe that's why I want to be skinny... more attention. Probably. Oh that and I think I'm gross right now haha.

Anyway... the north is driving me fucking crazy. I don't have any friends and i don't have any money.  Gah. My bestie in the city offered to let me stay with her for a month before school starts... I'm seriously considering coming into town a week before the Baronial camping event. Maybe re-try the date thing with nice-arms... more clear signals. Perhaps chill with sax guy? I don't know. Men are stupid... but they have penis-es and therefore I cannot resist their sexual potential. Maybe I'm trying to fill this little lonely part of my soul with dicks? Sound sad? Well don't feel sorry for me!! I don't feel bad about it at all. :D Just think... only a week ago I'd only slept with 2 people. In a week I've doubled that! I'm a machine. Think of all that I can accomplish this summer?

All moved in :)

But no internet... :( I'm at one of my schools right now checking email and blogging. Clearly I didn't get a chance to make another vlog before packing. My help showed up bright and early and it was go go go all day. I'll have to go to the coffee shop to look at my eharmony matches and log in to facebook chat. Both of those sites are blocked at school. Oh, by the way: HELLO NEW FOLLOWERS! Wow. Am I still generating interest? Cool!

Alright. I gained 5 pounds while in Winnipeg..... Could have been (and I was expecting) much worse. There is a little food in my house right now... so of course I'm binging and finishing it all.... then tomorrow meal replacement shakes until those are gone too.... then nothingness/water fast (first one ever!)! I'm behind a week in my jogging, but it's currently soooo fucking rainy out that I just want to sit on my couch and watch tv. Yes. I have a tv now!!!!

Ok. The weekend went fairly well. Monday I discovered that the majority of the people in the Barony are poly-amorous... and got invited to participate in a 3-some, which would have been scary. The dude is larger, like a big teddy bear, and the chic is actually a S&M mistress.... I would have been terrified the whole time. I told him (he was the only person to show up to help me move) that I'd only had 3 lovers... and I'm kinda shy/inexperienced sex wise. He said that he was sure the Barony/SCA would remedy that for me. Hahaha. Apparently the previous King (previously mentioned on my blog) has a "squire" who is tall, toned and has a big dick, and he frequently sends his squire to service the women of the kingdom. HOT lol.

So big teddy bear man and I are done packing up, we go for a beer, I get tipsy off of one haha. Thanks to the heat, being dehydrated, underfed, and having my period. I go to take a nap before my evening date, then realize I have NO furniture... so I sleep on my back on the living room floor, using my hoody for a pillow. Hahaha. Alright. So I meet "nice arms" (thanks Mich and MissMuffit for the nick name idea) and we're talking and he's making me laugh, like legitimately, not just the flirty "laughing" I do in front of men folk to make them feel good about themselves. After dinner (and a few drinks) we go back to his place. Holy shit, he lives on the penthouse floor... he has a 1 bedroom apartment and it spans 2 floors. ... there is also a balcony on each floor. :D We smoked up and things were going pretty well, until I started to get sick... and oh man did I get sick. I threw up in his main floor bathroom... like violently. And ya know what's even fucking scarier??? While I was throwing up there was LITERALLY a voice in my head saying "that's right, get it all out. Keep going because you ate before dinner (even though I hadn't). And you ate yesterday so you should probably keep throwing up". I had the fucking weirdest trip ever. No more mixing booze and ganja for me. For a while I thought my Mom's spirit was trying to be part of me (possibly true. Miss you Mom <3. Would it be weird if I wished my late Mother's spirit would posses me when I'm stoned?), then I felt like everything was too familiar and every time I threw up (2 grand occasions) I felt like I was throwing up memories. Then I realized like an hour into the visit that nobody knew that I was out with him... then I started to get paranoid that he was going to kill me.... Really??? WTF. He's one of the nicest guys I knew in high school, genuinely caring and just got out of a long relationship too. Pretty much in the same boat as me, also, did I mention he's a super nice guy? Who did I go to crying about Garren in high school? Nice-arms. Who sat with me when my Mom was diagnosed and I was crying hysterically? Well everyone I knew, but he was definitely in that group, occasionally taking one-on-one shifts. Unfortunately he was also pretty good friends with Garren, and parents don't tend to like the boy you unhealthily obsess over, and in turn don't want you partying/spending late nights with him or his friends, no matter how many other girls were there. So we didn't get to know each other that well until after high school when we started camping at Folk Fest together. Which by the way, remember that festival that dum-dum got my pass to this summer? Nice-arms broke up with his gf 2 weeks before the fest and had an extra pass lol. Fuck I could have gone. Oh well. Anywho... right. Date!  So after I puke once and then I'm sitting on the couch watching Billy Madison with Nice-arms, clinging to the towel i requested... (i need a better nick name for him lol) I start freaking out... that he's going to rape me? Or think that I want to rape him if I ask if I can stay the night, cuz ya know, I don't have any furniture.... even though he has like 3 couches and a futon. No expectations if I don't put them there, but I'm trippin' balls. So I start babbling about being worried I'm coming off as a slut if I ask to stay the night and he calms me down and says that's why he has so many couches!! haha. So he flips the futon down and says "I know you're not looking for anything, but this futon really isn't that comfortable and I have a queen sized bed upstairs. I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable but it really would be a better sleep." So I agree (OF COURSE I WANT TO SLEEP WITH YOU, YOU'RE FUCKING SEXY, AND NICE AND INDEPENDENT AND {he has a really good job}, FUN, AND RIDICULOUSLY SMART). So we get to the stairs.. and I get up like 2 stairs and my brain fills with memories that I need to puke out (does that make sense?). So I go back down the stairs to the washroom. He brings my towel (aw). I finally finish. I decide the memories are all gone and if they start to come back I will let them be fresh memories (still not making sense right?). So I get up to the bedroom... and crawl into bed. Remove bra and shorts, and snuggle up next to him. He was laying in a position that facilitated spooning... so I just assumed I was a welcome addition. Of course, this is my way of saying "oh god you're sexy and I totally wanna fuck you". He is a gentleman and doesn't overstep any boundaries, plus I have my period. There is a little groping, and the standard pressing that happens when two people who are equally sexually attracted to each other and spooning (though at this point I was probably more attracted to him than him to I considering he'd already heard me throw up violently in his bathroom twice). He says "for someone that isn't looking for anything right now, you sure are sending out some mixed signals". I just say "I know right?". UGH. I'm an idiot lol. In the morning, I get up at like 10 and he's already been "at work" for a few hours. He has a higher position in the company... and is a fucking genius so he just remote accesses to work. He sent an email "working from home this morning" end of story. No questions asked. Oh god. I hope he wants to see me again the next time I'm in the city. I can't have completely turned him off, he did text me to see if I made it to Flin Flon alright. :P I think I'll send him a Facebook message while I'm at the coffee place apologizing for my abhorring behaviour. I don't want to do it through a text message because I know how turned off I get when I guy does that. Like fuck off lol.

Anywho. Flin Flon is a little boring in comparison. :P I hired 2 youth workers through the government employment program... one of them who is 17 started texting me right away after he called about the job, asking if I wanted a bf and shit .... Like NO little boy, I don't wanna be your sugar mamma. Get your own fucking money. So I reschedule them to come earlier so he doesn't have time to talk to me anymore. ... He assumes I'm coming to pick them up. UGH That is NOT how casual labour works. I tell you where to be and when and you be there. So I pick them both up, and they carry all the heavy shit (I'd already unloaded half the u-haul myself) some of the time I have to instruct them how to do it... and a couple times I have to step in to do it myself because I apparently have more muscles then these little wieners. Then after, little boy keeps texting me.... I ignore him after a little while. I'm busy re-acquainting myself with TV thank you very much. Later he texts me asking if I could do him a favour and buy him some chewing tobacco. I ask him if he thinks I'm willing to lose my job over some chew for him? Later yet ye texts me asking if I could give him a ride to Creighton and back...... WTF. I tell him we don't need to be friends. He was hired help. And ask him what he's expecting out of this? That shut him up. :P Little boys, be forewarned. I'M A BITCH, but it seems to work for me, so I have zero intentions to change!

Anywho, I'm behind on blogs. I've read a couple and commented on a couple, my apologies. I will try to not completely drown in them so that when my internet hook-up guy comes on the 29th I won't be too far behind.

Love and hugs and kisses. <3
Nessa