Wednesday, April 6, 2011

193 this morning :(

I think I've figured it out...... Sometimes I just want to keep loading the calories into me... like with a  fucking backhoe! And everytime I think to myself, "I could just puke those out"... As if someday I will eventually eat enough calories that I'll have no other choice than to do it. Is that weird?  Don't worry, hold off on the worried comments, or the "that's how it starts" warnings, because I'll let you in on a secret. I'M TERRIFIED OF PUKING. Like if I were poisoned and I absolutely had to do it... I don't know that I could. There's like this wave of panic. Even when I'm drunk. I'd rather sit up and feel nauseated all night (time flies when you're drunk) than throw up. And I've done it too. Soooooooooooo many times. Even when I have the flu, or when I had that hooooooorrible bladder infection and I couldn't not gag after sitting in a moving vehicle for anything longer than 10 minutes. Nope, couldn't lose my lunch. Like I said, it just won't ever happen.

In other news, my hovering period has finally decided to land....Gah. Great.

In better news, I'm going to the gym in an hour. and I went two days ago, and two days before that. I'm hoping that part of 4 pounds I'm packing is that sudden weight gain that happens when you start working out (muscle mass?). At LEAST 2 of it is period weight. And I was holding another 2.3 pounds of poo.... because I hadn't had a bowel movement in a few days. Well this morning I almost cried when I got on the scale... at 195.3.... then i poo'd and now it's all goood. It's not really, but that rhymed so deal with it.

POST GYM. I ran for about 4-5 minutes in total (in 1, 1.5 or 2 minute intervals.... wait. Must have been more than 5 minutes then. Whatever). and did some weight machines and some ab work. :D I feel all buzzy from the adrenaline!! Hooorah! I had a protein shake after that, with 181 calories. I feel awful drinking it just before bed but my gym buddy, Gerard, swears by them. Fuck I'm stuck in a weight rut. I think I might buy some of those meal replacements with "extra protein" and low cals ... or perhaps I should buy some protein powder? Any suggestions? I had some hemp protein that I really enjoyed... perhaps I'll have to take a trip down to the health food store this weekend. :D I do like any excuse to go there.

Anyway, sorry so much talk. Onto some pretties :) (Extra for you because you had to wait so long for me to speak :P)

XOXO
Nessa

Jogging leads to....




5 comments:

  1. Sometimes I too think that if I keep eating things will eventually have nowhere to go but back out again. I don't think this is logical but it's still there in my head.

    Yay for running, great work!

    I think meal replacement bars could be a good idea. I use them a lot myself but I always have to eat them slow. They have all the calories of a full meal but substantially they are not always as filling. Go with the all natural, no fake stuff added, ones if you get some.

    Love you!

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  2. I don't do a shake after the gym, I eat a fruit source bar its 2-3 servings of fruit and only 130 calories so in my head it evens out.. Its good to eat something after the gym I just am not a shake person, I do however have the slim fast shakes for lunch. You just need to find a shake or something that works for you post gym.
    Also I heard that protein shakes are good if you want to gain muscle and not loose weight, am I wrong with that?

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  3. *new follower* just finished reading your blog and reminds me of my starting weight - months and months ago of 198pounds and how hard it was to break into and stay in the 80s now i havent seen the 70s for a while :( determination will pull us through - ad loved the vlogs by the way ;) stay strong xxx

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  4. OMG I hate throwing up more than anything!! Once I went 8 years without throwing up...it was great! From 13 - 21...then I got a stomach flu and it's been every few years since then. (I also threw up alot when I was drunk...yuck!)

    I'm guessing the spike in weight is due to you muscles holding extra water from the new workouts...it will go back down!

    ~MLM

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  5. I know nothing about being healthy. I wish I had advise! I hate puking too it makes me cry but sometimes I just have too. Or take some laxatives you know I love a good poop sess. I hope your weight goes down beautiful!!
    :D

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