So the break up went alright. Greg was super shocked, he had no idea about the lying, or a lot of my other feelings (to be fair part of the problem was my lying). He asked me to stay with him on the Friday night, and so I did. Neither of us could sleep, but whenever he thought I was sleeping, he'd stroke my cheek or kiss my face. Saturday morning, was a different story. We spent a good chunk of the night just lying in each others arms, I couldn't deny him that, he was so incredibly sad. I was also sad, cuz ya know, we've spent a lot of time together. .... Saturday morning the topic of my ring came up and he broke down. ... like sobbing uncontrollably, and saying things like he was only doing this farming internship because it's what he thought I wanted and that he wished he'd known what he was doing had been so hurtful to me. I've honestly never heard a grown man cry like that.... and then we reached a compromise. We decided that we will be on a break until school is done and I come back to Winnipeg in July sometime. We're both making lists of things we need in a relationship for it to work, at my insistence. He is of the mindset that he'll just live for whatever I need, but that's so unrealistic.
Anyway, the week leading up to that, I lost a good 10 pounds. I was down to 177 on the Saturday morning. Then I binged every day after that, hagen das, mcdonalds, chips, if you named it, it probably went into my mouth. ... I gained 6 pounds back erg.
So now I have an out to sleep with someone else, and now I don't really have the urge like i did before, but I made it a condition of our separation in case I fuck up, then it's not hanging over my head.... I texted muscles last night after a few beers... he seemed surprised to hear from me. Ok, once I'd had a few drinks in me I was down to fuck....We talked about how hot he thought my butt was (that's never happened to me lol. My butt used to be flat as a board... now it at least has some curve to it) and how distracting I found his body to be in my mind. I am 90% sure he would come down here for some fun time, but he's going to country fest next week, and after that I'm going to Folk Fest and then meeting up with Greg to figure shit out. I am also 90% sure that I will take Greg back..... I'm just that kind of girl. So if I'm going to experience sleeping with someone.... it needs to be asap. but i don't want to sleep with someone I don't know, which is why muscles was such a good candidate. Maybe I'll text him for a sleepover on Saturday? I guess I could go out there? 5 hour drive for a possible lay? (I have my period.... ugh) no thanks. lol. I'm really curious as to how sex with someone else is. I have an idea in my mind, of sweaty lust among other things. oh well. if it happens it happens, and if it doesn't it doesn't. Why am I so afraid to be completely alone?
Anyway, that's that story. In other news I finished 17 classes of report cards... which means I only have 10 left to go! But I'm sooooooo tired right now I just want to curl up in a ball and go to sleep... and it's only 6:30. oi vey.
Maybe I can get a couple more classes done tonight yet.... *sigh* soooo melancholy.
In honour of my newly discovered butt... I give you more bums, more attractive than my bum lol
I'm glad you came to some kind of compromise.
ReplyDeleteJust, don't take him back unless you can't imagine your long term (I'm talking 50 years down the road) without him. You don't want to regret your decision years later.
I know seeing him break down was hard...believe me, I went through the same thing, but don't be fooled. I'm sure he meant everything he promised when he said them, but that doesn't necessarily mean they will stick in the long term.
I'm just looking out for you....because you are wonderful and deserve the best. I don't want to see you selling yourself short.
~MLM
P.S. GET YOUR FUCK ON!!!! lol
The first time I heard a grown man cry was back when I was separating from my husband in 2009. I was going to have an abortion (who is now my son... i feel terrible about that) and had already left my husband with my daughter. but when i went to talk to him he cried... terribly. and ever since we've been great. our situations are a little different only b/c there are children with me. but men are men. and when you make a drastic move, they'll try to drastically change.
ReplyDeletemen need to be trained. and thus far you're doing a good job of training this mother fucker to sustain your needs. lol.
now go fuck some random dudes!
It must have been so hard to have that conversation with him, especially if he cried. But its good that youve sort of agreed to meet in the middle after some time appart. Its better that you said something now before you got married because now he knows where you stand. Because it would have been hard to have say your true feelings much later on because he would have been so set in his ways. As camille said, they need to be trained - even though i have po experience with it i know from my friends :)
ReplyDeleteCongrats on the 4 pounds net loss :)
P.s you should totally do muscles, especially now that you no reason to not to x