These are the flowers that were waiting for me:
And here's another scintilating vlog from me. WARNING : I talk about my vadge... in gruesome detail.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Coming up for air
So I have surfaced for air from the vortex of lust/love/like that is Billy :)
These are the flowers that were waiting for me:
And here's another scintilating vlog from me. WARNING : I talk about my vadge... in gruesome detail.
These are the flowers that were waiting for me:
And here's another scintilating vlog from me. WARNING : I talk about my vadge... in gruesome detail.
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Christmas in August.. :D
Hello all. :) And hello new follower/thin buddy :)
What's with the title? Well, I'm so freaking excited for tomorrow that it feels like I'm awaiting Christmas!! When i was little, i used to stay up all night christmas eve because i was so excited i couldn't sleep. This of course made it take waaaaay longer to get here. ... I'm going to try to sleep...but it's sooo so sooo close!!! He ninja'd into my apartment this morning and got my keys, had them with him all day while i told him not to die when he went over my broken ass porch to get to my non-locking patio door. I'm going to try to hunker down for a "good" sleep in about 10 minutes. 1am. 6 hours of sleep will take me to 7am. Leave by juuuust after 8. That should roll me into Flin Flon between 4-5ish. Billy will be in my apartment, waiting for me :) God i hope he doesn't notice the extra 10 pounds i'm dragging along on my not-so-tiny frame. .......
G'night lady lovelies.
XOXO
15 hours until i'm with my man. :D
What's with the title? Well, I'm so freaking excited for tomorrow that it feels like I'm awaiting Christmas!! When i was little, i used to stay up all night christmas eve because i was so excited i couldn't sleep. This of course made it take waaaaay longer to get here. ... I'm going to try to sleep...but it's sooo so sooo close!!! He ninja'd into my apartment this morning and got my keys, had them with him all day while i told him not to die when he went over my broken ass porch to get to my non-locking patio door. I'm going to try to hunker down for a "good" sleep in about 10 minutes. 1am. 6 hours of sleep will take me to 7am. Leave by juuuust after 8. That should roll me into Flin Flon between 4-5ish. Billy will be in my apartment, waiting for me :) God i hope he doesn't notice the extra 10 pounds i'm dragging along on my not-so-tiny frame. .......
G'night lady lovelies.
XOXO
15 hours until i'm with my man. :D
Friday, August 26, 2011
Laxie... I mean lazy day.
POO TALK WARNING!!! This post is not for the faint of heart (if you couldn't tell by the subject line)
See what I did there? Hahah. ok. Arg, my tummy hurts... I bought a different kind of laxies and I may be abusing them already... the box says to take 1-3 either before bed or a half hour before breakfast. I took 2 before bed. 2 before breakfast and 3 two hours ago... my stomach didn't hurt too badly until right now. A little pain in the afternoon, and then nothing... for like 5-6 hours. Now i'm expelling like i'm a fucking principal... (horrible poo/teacher joke... ugh. awkward. Sorry guys) pardon my potty humour there... maybe it will make that one follower who keeps subscribing then un-subscribing shit or get off the pot... BHAHAHAHA I'm so fucking hilarious. I'm also in the straaaaaaaaaangest mood... so of course I'm going to subject you all to it.
Food stuff? Other than sucking back laxatives like they're free, I've had a McDonalds breakfast sandwich (I thought that would be the most effective thing to "activate" the laxies this morning), a couple of tomatoes and a cup of snap peas for lunch, and a big gulp this evening. I'm sooooooooooooooooo hungry... gah. I know I'm going to eat something... I just need to choose what it will be. I don't feel bad, I've eaten way less calories than I have since I got here.... and I'm going to be going back to my "normal" schedule soon. Also, I'm kind of worried that my insides are still irritated... and if I eat now, it's possible I'll be able to get a little more "action" out of my laxatives. :) I think I'll have a couple tablespoons of peanut butter... lol.
So what's new? Guess who got a full Brazillian wax? I sure did! I went to the place and she asked if i'd ever had one before... and i told her no. She was like "ummm.... you might want to try sugaring... waxing can be really painful... we can start on the edges and work our way in... in case you can't handle it." I was like . "naw bitch (i didn't really say that part) I'm tough". And i am. I'm fucking awesome.
Other than ridiculously sweet conversations with Billy... Like how he texts me first thing in the morning, usually with a "good morning beautiful". Even in one of our sexy convos, he started out saying that i was looking beautiful as usual. *swoon*... I mailed him a thank you card for picking up my mail and sending me my cheque, which probably would make most men freak out... "Oh no! Not a woman who appreciates the little things and likes to also do little things. ABORT MISSION.... ship going down..." but not Billy. :) He said it made him smile... pardon my swooning. I told him he's like a happy drug because he makes me smile all the time, he said it's his job. when i'm not busy being being won over by his ridiculously perfect messages, i'm so horney i'd fuck a door knob... FUUUUUCK lol. There will be so much good lovin' when I get home. Rawr!
Oh... breaking news.. He just made it official... so I have a boyfriend :) yay! I mean, I was already calling him my boyfriend, oh here and to select people... but we were talking about our relationship in terms of a job, ya know, benefits and emotional investment, and he said "you even get a title" and when i asked what it was he said "my girlfriend" which of course sent my tummy into a flurry of butterflies.
3 more nights in this city... 1 with slutty roomie.... who was previously referred to as bestie in this blog... and then 2 at my Aunt Gwen's. Tomorrow will be on the clock, because I'll be babysitting, but Saturday is all fam-jam time :) This is my plan:
Friday:
Sleep until 9:30. Leave for downtown to pick up hair spray from cousins at hotel downtown
10:00 go to Starbucks... or the coffee place in the mall?
12:00 go to Gwen's :D Play with baby cousin like aaaaaaaaaaaaaall day. for like 23 hours
Saturday:
11:00am Gwen gets home. Book it to the Farmer's Market for Chocolate Imperial Cookies
1:00ish (i'm hoping) leave Winnipeg for Bothwell. Picking up cheese from the cheese factory and visiting with my cousin :)
4:00pm leave for Winnipeg
5:00pm pick up Norwex sport spray from Vikka's place
5:30pm back at the "home base" for the night
6:00pm eat dinner with the aunt and uncle and Jacob. :) watching a movie with Gwen and Brent then heading to bed
Sunday:
7:00am?? Gwen says they're going to help me make sure I'm up early.... I don't know what that means.
8:00am/9:00am Leave for Flin Flon :)
4:00pm/5:00pm Arrive in Flin Flon! Maul boyfriend :) after that... i have noooo idea :D
Right now I'm just so excited to get back. *sigh* 3 more sleeps :)
See what I did there? Hahah. ok. Arg, my tummy hurts... I bought a different kind of laxies and I may be abusing them already... the box says to take 1-3 either before bed or a half hour before breakfast. I took 2 before bed. 2 before breakfast and 3 two hours ago... my stomach didn't hurt too badly until right now. A little pain in the afternoon, and then nothing... for like 5-6 hours. Now i'm expelling like i'm a fucking principal... (horrible poo/teacher joke... ugh. awkward. Sorry guys) pardon my potty humour there... maybe it will make that one follower who keeps subscribing then un-subscribing shit or get off the pot... BHAHAHAHA I'm so fucking hilarious. I'm also in the straaaaaaaaaangest mood... so of course I'm going to subject you all to it.
Food stuff? Other than sucking back laxatives like they're free, I've had a McDonalds breakfast sandwich (I thought that would be the most effective thing to "activate" the laxies this morning), a couple of tomatoes and a cup of snap peas for lunch, and a big gulp this evening. I'm sooooooooooooooooo hungry... gah. I know I'm going to eat something... I just need to choose what it will be. I don't feel bad, I've eaten way less calories than I have since I got here.... and I'm going to be going back to my "normal" schedule soon. Also, I'm kind of worried that my insides are still irritated... and if I eat now, it's possible I'll be able to get a little more "action" out of my laxatives. :) I think I'll have a couple tablespoons of peanut butter... lol.
So what's new? Guess who got a full Brazillian wax? I sure did! I went to the place and she asked if i'd ever had one before... and i told her no. She was like "ummm.... you might want to try sugaring... waxing can be really painful... we can start on the edges and work our way in... in case you can't handle it." I was like . "naw bitch (i didn't really say that part) I'm tough". And i am. I'm fucking awesome.
Other than ridiculously sweet conversations with Billy... Like how he texts me first thing in the morning, usually with a "good morning beautiful". Even in one of our sexy convos, he started out saying that i was looking beautiful as usual. *swoon*... I mailed him a thank you card for picking up my mail and sending me my cheque, which probably would make most men freak out... "Oh no! Not a woman who appreciates the little things and likes to also do little things. ABORT MISSION.... ship going down..." but not Billy. :) He said it made him smile... pardon my swooning. I told him he's like a happy drug because he makes me smile all the time, he said it's his job. when i'm not busy being being won over by his ridiculously perfect messages, i'm so horney i'd fuck a door knob... FUUUUUCK lol. There will be so much good lovin' when I get home. Rawr!
Oh... breaking news.. He just made it official... so I have a boyfriend :) yay! I mean, I was already calling him my boyfriend, oh here and to select people... but we were talking about our relationship in terms of a job, ya know, benefits and emotional investment, and he said "you even get a title" and when i asked what it was he said "my girlfriend" which of course sent my tummy into a flurry of butterflies.
3 more nights in this city... 1 with slutty roomie.... who was previously referred to as bestie in this blog... and then 2 at my Aunt Gwen's. Tomorrow will be on the clock, because I'll be babysitting, but Saturday is all fam-jam time :) This is my plan:
Friday:
Sleep until 9:30. Leave for downtown to pick up hair spray from cousins at hotel downtown
10:00 go to Starbucks... or the coffee place in the mall?
12:00 go to Gwen's :D Play with baby cousin like aaaaaaaaaaaaaall day. for like 23 hours
Saturday:
11:00am Gwen gets home. Book it to the Farmer's Market for Chocolate Imperial Cookies
1:00ish (i'm hoping) leave Winnipeg for Bothwell. Picking up cheese from the cheese factory and visiting with my cousin :)
4:00pm leave for Winnipeg
5:00pm pick up Norwex sport spray from Vikka's place
5:30pm back at the "home base" for the night
6:00pm eat dinner with the aunt and uncle and Jacob. :) watching a movie with Gwen and Brent then heading to bed
Sunday:
7:00am?? Gwen says they're going to help me make sure I'm up early.... I don't know what that means.
8:00am/9:00am Leave for Flin Flon :)
4:00pm/5:00pm Arrive in Flin Flon! Maul boyfriend :) after that... i have noooo idea :D
Right now I'm just so excited to get back. *sigh* 3 more sleeps :)
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Boys *sigh*
Or one specifically... 6 more sleeps until I see him. :) I cannot tell you how excited I am. I want to pull him down onto me and let him devour me with his hands and lips and his love. I'm pretty sure I'm either in love with him or falling in love with him... We talk about our "relationship" in third person; me referring to "the cute guy who has a rescue dog" and him referring to the "blonde nerdy girl with a passion for music" or the "new, cute music teacher". Yesterday he said something about waiting for a cute nerdy blonde due to arrive in Flin Flon in about a week. I said I heard she was looking for an equally nerdy boy who likes to watch movies and spend time being lazy. He asked if "she was single". I replied "nobody has asked her yet"... he said he'd have to do that asap. Later he referred to dating me... without the third person. I asked if I'd have to compete with the "nerdy blonde", he said he had a feeling I'd be much much better and he'd forgotten all about her already. Everything he says makes me feel special.... also, special in the pants... We've had a couple of very sexy text message conversations. At the beginning of the month, when I'd try to push him into naughty conversation, he'd avoid it, or say something about how we shouldn't get too excited while we're 800km apart... buuuut he totally initiated the sexy convo yesterday. :) Must be because our time apart is drawing to a close. And oh boy was it ever hot, and oh so sweet and romantic all at once... I'm so glad I slept with him before I left town... because now when he says something about kissing me or *ahem* other things, I get this twinge and a tingling sensation and I get to re-live the steamier moments of our time together.
I have gained at least 10 pounds while in the city... but I am not terribly worried. I'm planning on going back to my crazy schedule of sleeping in... eating "lunch" having dinner and then staying up late with Billy and having lots... I repeat lots of sex. For at least the two weeks until school starts. I was advised to bring condoms back with me... which I had already picked up that day haha. I bought another box today, wouldn't want to run out! It's weird living in a small town with your students. Buying condoms is almost impossible. Every time I've thought about it, I go to the aisle and inevitably I see a student on the way. And then when I get to the checkout, I'm glad I didn't put a box in my basket because the checkout ladies are always the same people and they've started to get to know me, and even worse, some of them are students parents, and some are substitute teachers at my schools. Most of my school people don't know that I A) broke things off with my fiance and B) would be very surprised to know that I'm dating someone else so soon... People are judgmental like that. I went for supper with my cohort last week and one girl asked me "don't you feel weird to be dating already so soon?". I said, it might if I wasn't over it before it was over.... Then I asked her how exactly you prepare yourself to be in a relationship? And what about women who enter what seems to be a good relationship and the man ends up being abusive? Do you think they prepared??? That's not how life works.
After school starts again, it's back to eating breakfast (maybe) and a few low cal options spread throughout the day... Supper after school... maybe I'll actually start to cook and occasionally bring food to work for Billy... because I am an awesome girlfriend. :D Haha. Flin Flon has bingo on the radio on Saturdays. I told him I was going to start playing when I got back, he said I could probably come to his work and sit at his desk with him :) That would be kinda nice.. and flirty. and i'm not sure if i could handle having to keep my hands to myself around him haha. Oh my. He's infiltrating every area of my life.... Eep... this is serious.
I have gained at least 10 pounds while in the city... but I am not terribly worried. I'm planning on going back to my crazy schedule of sleeping in... eating "lunch" having dinner and then staying up late with Billy and having lots... I repeat lots of sex. For at least the two weeks until school starts. I was advised to bring condoms back with me... which I had already picked up that day haha. I bought another box today, wouldn't want to run out! It's weird living in a small town with your students. Buying condoms is almost impossible. Every time I've thought about it, I go to the aisle and inevitably I see a student on the way. And then when I get to the checkout, I'm glad I didn't put a box in my basket because the checkout ladies are always the same people and they've started to get to know me, and even worse, some of them are students parents, and some are substitute teachers at my schools. Most of my school people don't know that I A) broke things off with my fiance and B) would be very surprised to know that I'm dating someone else so soon... People are judgmental like that. I went for supper with my cohort last week and one girl asked me "don't you feel weird to be dating already so soon?". I said, it might if I wasn't over it before it was over.... Then I asked her how exactly you prepare yourself to be in a relationship? And what about women who enter what seems to be a good relationship and the man ends up being abusive? Do you think they prepared??? That's not how life works.
After school starts again, it's back to eating breakfast (maybe) and a few low cal options spread throughout the day... Supper after school... maybe I'll actually start to cook and occasionally bring food to work for Billy... because I am an awesome girlfriend. :D Haha. Flin Flon has bingo on the radio on Saturdays. I told him I was going to start playing when I got back, he said I could probably come to his work and sit at his desk with him :) That would be kinda nice.. and flirty. and i'm not sure if i could handle having to keep my hands to myself around him haha. Oh my. He's infiltrating every area of my life.... Eep... this is serious.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Fuck my life... I just weighed myself at my sisters place...... 190. Fucking kill me now. I need to lose 10 pounds before i go home.... Granted i've already had breakfast and i was wearing clothes... My running pants are a little looser but that could be from stretching out... I know muscle is denser than fat but i'm fucking freaking out..... This. Stops. Now...... On a side note, if i ever get to the point where i'm completely happy with my body I'm going to have to demolish my scale. It's oh so triggering........ Fuuuuuuck. I can't go home to Billy all fucking fat and flubbery. (oops. Used boyfriend's name.... Well there it is lol). Billy who can run 14km nonstop. Billy who fucks like a pro and magically hits all the right spots. Billy who is ninjaing into my apartment to prepare a surprise for my arrival. Billy who is taking me camping on a private lake and teaching me to fish....Among other things. He deserves better. I can give him better. Seriously, i'm on a fucking mission.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Bumps, but no bruises
New shapes on my body. I wish with all my heart that there was a scale here.... My aunt's scale always says like 186-189 when i step on it. though: A) I'm not naked, B) it's not first thing in the morning, C) It's right up by the wall and don't want to pull it out for whatever reason. Though I may have (god I fucking hope not) gained some weight while being here...... probably seeing as i eat like a cow here...lots of bread because it's cheap... I feel like I still look alright. My stomach is a little pouchier than I'd like but my running pants are finally a little too loose on me. Also, my wrists finally have a visible bump on them where the wrist bone is!!!! I sometimes just stare at them because I can't believe I can see them. I can also see (barely but they're there) the tendons in the top of my feet. And my calves... the running must be doing something for them, because I've always hated my calves and I think they look half decent. The real test will be whether I can buy tall boots or not. My calves look even better when I don't know they're mine. Like in a small mirror on the floor... or a picture. then I see the rest of me attached to them and they instantly look sooo soo sooooo much bigger... My collar bones don't show any more than they did 10 pounds ago... :( I was really looking forward to that, but in time they'll come. But I do have a bum crease now... I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not. My roomie assures me that it is normal. What do I mean by bum crease? Ya know when you see someone who doesn't have a bum? They might have a little bump there and then it curves back into their legs... well I've had that all my life and now suddenly I have a bit of a bum and if I stand straight up there is a little crease there where my bum ends and my legs begin. I might be able to hold something like a strip of paper there too... tmi? Sorry. Anywho, it freaks me out a little. Well it really did when I first noticed it. I was wearing shorts and I kept feeling like they were sticking to my butt... they weren't though. It was just my bum crease..
Wow, that topic dominated this post... I really really really really REALLY REALLY wish I knew how much I weighed right now. :( I'm sure I'm a fucking hippo... my boobs look good, but i have a bit of a gut.. well let's be honest, I haven't completely gotten rid of my gut yet. It's flatter a little.. or maybe it's not? Gah. I want my scale, and my mirror, and my bathroom, and to be able to sleep on clean sheets instead of the throw blanket i have over top of roomie's actual room mates bed... because she asked roomie not to let anyone in her room while she was gone. And of course I miss Boyfriend. I don't miss him as much now, the first 10ish days were all AAAAAHHHH I want to turn around right now, but now I'm past the half way point, and I know that he's still interested in me. He's having late night conversations about me to his mother for goodness sakes. And she advised him not to fuck this up. We both agree this is different than anything else. I need someone to advise me not to fuck this up. No more drinking with men without a safety net there... no more going to the bar with Steph. No more! I'm soooo close to going home. 11 days. *sigh* This week will go by pretty quickly, and next week even faster!!! I can't wait to be home. Yesterday Boyfriend's regional sales manager was at his work, so we couldn't text all day, but he did text me when she left. He said she thought he was awesome. I asked if he laid on the charm? And he asked why would he do that? And I said I dunno.... he answered "Nah she's cute but I got someone in mind that deserves my charm more". Sold... Done deal. OMG. Ya know what Greg would have said.... something like "I am always charming". I'M SPECIAL.. OMG OMG FUCKING YES, I'M SPECIAL TO SOMEONE. THERE IS ACTUALLY A MAN WHO IS RESERVING SOME KIND OF FEELINGS JUST .. FOR .. ME!!
In running news... I've been a bit lazy with it, sometimes having 2 days between runs instead of the 1 I'm supposed to have. But part of it is I'm going out and doing things like all the time here, and the other part is that a couple of days it's been so ridiculously humid here. It really really needs to rain. I did a long run yesterday and it was so humid it was a bit chilly... I ran for 25 minutes straight!! and as opposed to the 2km i ran the last long run (20 minutes) I got a good 3.3km under my belt! 1.3 more km in only 5 more minutes?? Look out world... Someone is going to be a 5k rock star... and it's meeeeeeeee!!
Hung out with my sister yesterday. She's pretty bummed out. She's been seeing this guy since February, they are just like Billy and I in the way that they are exactly the same.. like he's the male version of her. Which is really awesome (now that I know how that feels), they say the same things at the same time, at raves they dance exactly the same. In fact, the first time she saw him at a rave or whatever he was dancing the exact same as her and she thought he was copying her... It wasn't until she tried dancing behind him that she realized that they danced the same. She started going to his shows... they started hanging out and the connection was instant. But Manda likes to deny things, and she didn't know if she was ready for another relationship (what does that even mean... being ready? Do we do some pushups and flex and admire our dating muscles in the mirror? what if it's horrible, or abusive? Are we ever prepared for that? What if it's perfect.... can we be prepared for perfection?) so she told him "I do what I want, who I want, when I want. I'm not that girl who's going to tell you when I'm going to the washroom at the bar. I'm impulsive and I don't want a boyfriend". So they've been dancing around it for some time. They are TOTALLY in love and at Folk Fest (that music festival I didn't get to go to because Greg's a douche) they (she) decided to be officially dating, and stop denying her feelings. Yesterday he left for China for a year. these plans have been in the works for a while, but the timing sucks. On Friday we're going to see Dad together. No boys, just us girls. I should mention, that despite the fact that she "wasn't his girlfriend"... he suuuure came to family things a lot. He came to my grad dinner, and the tickets were like $40... He's come out to my Dad's place and a few other family things. No big family deal-e-o's, but that's mainly because we haven't had any. So I'm going to try to spend lots of time with her before I go back to Flin Flon.
Anywho, I'm off to babysit. Last shift this week, after that I'm doing some cleaning/sanding in their house for extra money. Next week is going to kill me though. Only 1 shift on the Wednesday and then an overnight Friday to Saturday. .... Sooooo much time to think about missing the bf. ... 11 more sleeps... it's only just over a week.... then the sex. Oh god the sex... ooo and then a weekend of camping... with sex. Hahahahaha. Ok, I'm just going to keep devolving into an animalistic state if I stay here... ciao for now.
XOXO
Nessa
Wow, that topic dominated this post... I really really really really REALLY REALLY wish I knew how much I weighed right now. :( I'm sure I'm a fucking hippo... my boobs look good, but i have a bit of a gut.. well let's be honest, I haven't completely gotten rid of my gut yet. It's flatter a little.. or maybe it's not? Gah. I want my scale, and my mirror, and my bathroom, and to be able to sleep on clean sheets instead of the throw blanket i have over top of roomie's actual room mates bed... because she asked roomie not to let anyone in her room while she was gone. And of course I miss Boyfriend. I don't miss him as much now, the first 10ish days were all AAAAAHHHH I want to turn around right now, but now I'm past the half way point, and I know that he's still interested in me. He's having late night conversations about me to his mother for goodness sakes. And she advised him not to fuck this up. We both agree this is different than anything else. I need someone to advise me not to fuck this up. No more drinking with men without a safety net there... no more going to the bar with Steph. No more! I'm soooo close to going home. 11 days. *sigh* This week will go by pretty quickly, and next week even faster!!! I can't wait to be home. Yesterday Boyfriend's regional sales manager was at his work, so we couldn't text all day, but he did text me when she left. He said she thought he was awesome. I asked if he laid on the charm? And he asked why would he do that? And I said I dunno.... he answered "Nah she's cute but I got someone in mind that deserves my charm more". Sold... Done deal. OMG. Ya know what Greg would have said.... something like "I am always charming". I'M SPECIAL.. OMG OMG FUCKING YES, I'M SPECIAL TO SOMEONE. THERE IS ACTUALLY A MAN WHO IS RESERVING SOME KIND OF FEELINGS JUST .. FOR .. ME!!
In running news... I've been a bit lazy with it, sometimes having 2 days between runs instead of the 1 I'm supposed to have. But part of it is I'm going out and doing things like all the time here, and the other part is that a couple of days it's been so ridiculously humid here. It really really needs to rain. I did a long run yesterday and it was so humid it was a bit chilly... I ran for 25 minutes straight!! and as opposed to the 2km i ran the last long run (20 minutes) I got a good 3.3km under my belt! 1.3 more km in only 5 more minutes?? Look out world... Someone is going to be a 5k rock star... and it's meeeeeeeee!!
Hung out with my sister yesterday. She's pretty bummed out. She's been seeing this guy since February, they are just like Billy and I in the way that they are exactly the same.. like he's the male version of her. Which is really awesome (now that I know how that feels), they say the same things at the same time, at raves they dance exactly the same. In fact, the first time she saw him at a rave or whatever he was dancing the exact same as her and she thought he was copying her... It wasn't until she tried dancing behind him that she realized that they danced the same. She started going to his shows... they started hanging out and the connection was instant. But Manda likes to deny things, and she didn't know if she was ready for another relationship (what does that even mean... being ready? Do we do some pushups and flex and admire our dating muscles in the mirror? what if it's horrible, or abusive? Are we ever prepared for that? What if it's perfect.... can we be prepared for perfection?) so she told him "I do what I want, who I want, when I want. I'm not that girl who's going to tell you when I'm going to the washroom at the bar. I'm impulsive and I don't want a boyfriend". So they've been dancing around it for some time. They are TOTALLY in love and at Folk Fest (that music festival I didn't get to go to because Greg's a douche) they (she) decided to be officially dating, and stop denying her feelings. Yesterday he left for China for a year. these plans have been in the works for a while, but the timing sucks. On Friday we're going to see Dad together. No boys, just us girls. I should mention, that despite the fact that she "wasn't his girlfriend"... he suuuure came to family things a lot. He came to my grad dinner, and the tickets were like $40... He's come out to my Dad's place and a few other family things. No big family deal-e-o's, but that's mainly because we haven't had any. So I'm going to try to spend lots of time with her before I go back to Flin Flon.
Anywho, I'm off to babysit. Last shift this week, after that I'm doing some cleaning/sanding in their house for extra money. Next week is going to kill me though. Only 1 shift on the Wednesday and then an overnight Friday to Saturday. .... Sooooo much time to think about missing the bf. ... 11 more sleeps... it's only just over a week.... then the sex. Oh god the sex... ooo and then a weekend of camping... with sex. Hahahahaha. Ok, I'm just going to keep devolving into an animalistic state if I stay here... ciao for now.
XOXO
Nessa
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Thursday (which i stretched into Sunday morning somehow...)
Alrighty, 3 new followers? Yeesh, You guys (though you're probably gals, let's be politically correct here) are making me blush. :)
Weight: I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA..... but the running is making me want to eat like a machine. .... Right now I'm kind of letting it happen.... I told my aunt during a heart to heart that I "used to" eat 500-800 calories per day.... and that's how I lost the first 20-30 pounds. She's doing this cleanse and shake program that you can only purchase through a doctor and dietician, but she is also rather large (like over 300 pounds). She totally understood though, apparently eating issues run in our family, only they're normally in the form of binge eating disorder, which I'm pretty sure I already have... ugh. There is NO winning.
My period has been spotty for the last week.... and then this morning it decided to be a real period! Like pinnochio (sp?).... except less phallic and definitely less fun. :P I have cramps like my fucking uterus is fighting to get out of my body. JUST STAY THERE. You need to nourish babies ... someday... in a while, because ya know, I'm starting over from scratch in the whole "life partner" "husband" "family" department. Fuck lol.
Things with the boy are rolling steadily along. We text pretty much all day and drunk dial each other on weekends. His countdown to my return will be at 18... but mine is 17. I'm coming home a day early to surprise him! Hopefully he'll want to spend the day together, now thatI'll be home on his day off (He has Sunday's and Mondays off). I'm awesome like that. I'm planning on arriving bearing cookies, and cheese from Winnipeg, because I'm awesome like that. I miss him. I know that I haven't known him that long, but I feel like we've known each other forever. I thought he would move on while I'm gone, but he DID say he would leave the "movie watching position" open. Yesterday in a conversation I told him I refuse to be a naggy girlfriend, and he didn't skip a beat. Which is good, I think I just labelled myself his girlfriend. I hung out with Eric (my massage therapist friend, who has my puggy) and I described the situation to him. He said "it sounds like you have a boyfriend, but maybe he doesn't know you do... and I'm betting that it's the same on his end". So I guess I have a boyfriend? It's official? We are going camping (I think just the two of us) the weekend I come back. Well not that one, but the one after. OMG he's just soo adorable. He likes to do dishes (the biggest fight of Greg and my domestic life together), he's organized, he has already thought about what he needs to do so we can go camping. He's going to clean all the fish we catch... and he's also agreed to pull mine out of the water for me, because a wiggly fish makes me scream... *wink* bahahaha, did you catch that? Let me say it again... "A WIGGLY FISH MAKES ME SCREAM". God I can't wait to go back and have amazing sex. And it will be, it's almost time stopping. .... the first time, I couldn't even think after, and I had (half) a cigarette. He said "what? Did I screw you stupid?" to which I answered "yup".... and he said "good. That's what I was going for". Oh yeesh. I'm getting shivers up my spine just thinking about it. When I think about kissing him, or looking him in the eyes, or the way he runs his fingers through my hair as I'm falling asleep, or how he pulls me onto his chest when I'm falling asleep. The way he so nonchalantly got me to snuggle with him the first time... ok, tangent. I'll tell you the story. So the second time I went to watch a movie with him, he picked Insidious... the preview alone made me jump. (funny, he tried to put on a scary movie the day before, but it was a b-list film, so it ended up being funny instead). Like 45 minutes into it, I was still having my own little freak outs, curling up in a ball... him probably trying to figure out why I wasn't jumping into his arms (he asked at the beginning of the evening "you're not one of those girls who is going to jump into my lap are you?" probably hoping that i'd say something like, "I might be" but instead I said, nope, you have nothing to worry about... ahhahahahahahah. I'm bad at reading signs lol). A couple of times he said "are you going to be ok?" until FINALLY he said "come here" and pulled me onto him. :) *swoon* I miss the snuggles. I know that I really haven't known him that long, but I really feel like I love him. On Friday I texted him saying he was going to love the cookies I am bringing back for you and he said I'm going to love you when you get back. SIGH. I seriously have so many feelings for him... and they all make me smile. He told me that this was different for him, and that he stayed up until 3am talking to his Mom about how he fucks relationships up. He told me if he starts acting like an asshole I should slap and tell him to snap out of it. He also said his Mom told him to really not fuck this up, and that I'm super nice, and maybe he'll get lucky with me. I think he's pretty much landed me, and I definitely confirmed that last night. ... and oh boy am I going to tell you the story.
Soooo a couple of weeks ago I went to a hockey social. It was a fucked up night that involved Barry's brother hitting on me, and his friend trying to hit on me... and me drunk dialing new-boy... who has a name and I shall use it now. :) The Boyfriend :). drunk dialing Boyfriend and hiding out in the parking lot in my car, then talking to him on the phone for another 2 and a half hours once the creepies had left roomie's apartment. Well last night I met up with some girlfriends from elementary/jr high. We had dinner and went to the casino. Then the girls wanted to go see male strippers. They couldn't find any so they decided we would go to Teasers, and they told me it was remodelled and more of a night club then a strip club now... but guess what... it was still a strip club. So i texted Barry to see if he wanted to go dancing. He invited me over for a beer before hand, so I went. We ended up watching football and going to the karaoke bar. I was dressed to go dancing because that's what i thought I'd be doing with my girlfriends... the boobs were out for sure. Well. I kinda thought that because I dated Gerard, and they're really good friends, Barry was like a "safe zone". But nope. There was a girl there who wanted to sleep with him, she was definitely intimidated by me like the moment I walked in with him. Her first comment to me was "I like that dress, wow, you have big boobs" I was just like... ummm thanks. I worked hard for them? I should also mention I had a few drinks last night, and I am a naturally flirty person, but after a drink or two I get suuuuuper flirty. I agree to drive other girl home because she declined the ride her friend was going to give her, so she could stay and do whatever lol. I don't know.... I gave her a ride partway home and then drove back to Barry's house. He just kinda made it easy to go back to his place, no awkward, so I'm assuming we're still on the just friends path. We sit and watch SNL. He asks me about my locket at one point, I thought he was going to try to kiss me... but he didn't. I didn't really want him to, so that's a good thing. But then like 20 minutes later he says, "fuck it, I'm going in for it" and totally plants one on me. And ya know what I felt? NOTHING. I mean, he's all muscley and attractive and successful, and I just didn't want it at all. So I pull away and I'm all "non nonononono. I really can't do this" and he's kinda thrown off because I didn't tell him I was seeing someone. I didn't think Barry would even try anything, so why would I bring it up? Gah. He was so hot. but nothin. All I could think about was driving straight through to Flin Flon and running up to Boyfriend's room and crawling into bed with him. I left and came home. I was looking forward to a drunk phone call from boyfriend but when he says "I'm probably going to be out late" he means like 6am late lol. I went to bed. What a fucked up night. Oh. I just got a text from him, he crashed at his cousins place.
I just want to go home and kiss him all over, get some good loving and spend a whole day in bed. 2 weeks from now I will be driving back and things will settle into normalcy. In Flin Flon, the only person who tries to sleep with me is Boyfriend. :D For goodness sakes, his text messages make me all fluttery. Then I think about kissing him and I get this pull somewhere between my belly button and my lady bits. And when I let my mind wander a little bit further and think about the more intimate moments we've had, I literally have to squeeze my eyes shut and shake my head a little to stop thinking about it. It's not that I don't like to think about it, but usually these moments come while I'm driving, and that could be dangerous on the road.
O oo ooo OOoo. So ya know how like 3 paragraphs ago i said i was going home a day early to surprise Boyfriend? well I was talking about coming home and saying I had a sneaky surprise... and he said he also had a sneaky surprise and needed to know EXACTLY when I would be home, like down to the hour.... after some playful banter I told him I couldn't tell him because I'm sneaky like that, but eventually decided to sacrifice my sneaky plans for his. It's ok. I'm bringing home a picnic basket with deliciousness in it. I am not sure if he has some kind of food thing planned, but if he doesn't I have got the backup plan. ;) And Monday, I've been promised a do nothing day. I am hoping it involves being lazy, playing cards, eating in bed and generally just doing nothing together. Gerard and I used to have those once in a while at the lake, but Greg never wanted to. Eventually (like at 10 or 11am) Greg would get up and be angry that I let him sleep the whole day away. Sometimes i would lie very very still tying not to wake him up so that we could spend time just lying in bed together. Not optimal, because, a know, we weren't actually spending time together, but I just wanted that quality time sooo bad I was willing to pretend it was happening. Somehow, even though we were up at 8 or 9 every morning there was always a to do list. Never did we just relax and just be together. I cannot express how ridiculously excited i am to come home to Boyfriend. I'm a bad influence on him :) He's not a planning kind of person, but he's making all these plans. Plans for a do nothing day, plans for a camping trip, plans for the run in October. Yup. we're making plans. I love making plans and lists. I made a list of positive qualities that Boyfriend possesses, and on the reverse I made a prose (oops. English minor slippage there) and cons list of dating him. I had a few cons but they weren't about him at all. Things like me worrying about my "issues" infecting our relationship. Like my abandonment issues (which I really think were just not trusting Greg and being upset when he would say he'd be somewhere/call me/come home and then not...) my "food issues" which so far won't come up, and even if we lived together, he'd NEVER know unless I told him. I get up before him and he comes home from work way later than me. Other issues? My depression... that is something I do need to tell him about. He knows I have been on medication for it, but it was a more casual conversation. ... though he does remember most of the things i tell him, even when I'm babbling. he remembered that my puggy's name is Penelope. :D
Anywho. enough babble and cheesy romance for me. Time for me to roll out to Moot. It's 2pm and I have to tell Thrym that I won't be coming to the Gimli event. ... Arg. He's going to be so disappointed. But i can't please everyone, and I need to go to the new teacher orientation.... That and I miss Boyfriend. And his dog. I miss physical contact that makes me feel special and connected to someone. I need a hug that means something from a good friend, and a snuggle and a kiss from the boy I'm about to love.
Weight: I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA..... but the running is making me want to eat like a machine. .... Right now I'm kind of letting it happen.... I told my aunt during a heart to heart that I "used to" eat 500-800 calories per day.... and that's how I lost the first 20-30 pounds. She's doing this cleanse and shake program that you can only purchase through a doctor and dietician, but she is also rather large (like over 300 pounds). She totally understood though, apparently eating issues run in our family, only they're normally in the form of binge eating disorder, which I'm pretty sure I already have... ugh. There is NO winning.
My period has been spotty for the last week.... and then this morning it decided to be a real period! Like pinnochio (sp?).... except less phallic and definitely less fun. :P I have cramps like my fucking uterus is fighting to get out of my body. JUST STAY THERE. You need to nourish babies ... someday... in a while, because ya know, I'm starting over from scratch in the whole "life partner" "husband" "family" department. Fuck lol.
Things with the boy are rolling steadily along. We text pretty much all day and drunk dial each other on weekends. His countdown to my return will be at 18... but mine is 17. I'm coming home a day early to surprise him! Hopefully he'll want to spend the day together, now thatI'll be home on his day off (He has Sunday's and Mondays off). I'm awesome like that. I'm planning on arriving bearing cookies, and cheese from Winnipeg, because I'm awesome like that. I miss him. I know that I haven't known him that long, but I feel like we've known each other forever. I thought he would move on while I'm gone, but he DID say he would leave the "movie watching position" open. Yesterday in a conversation I told him I refuse to be a naggy girlfriend, and he didn't skip a beat. Which is good, I think I just labelled myself his girlfriend. I hung out with Eric (my massage therapist friend, who has my puggy) and I described the situation to him. He said "it sounds like you have a boyfriend, but maybe he doesn't know you do... and I'm betting that it's the same on his end". So I guess I have a boyfriend? It's official? We are going camping (I think just the two of us) the weekend I come back. Well not that one, but the one after. OMG he's just soo adorable. He likes to do dishes (the biggest fight of Greg and my domestic life together), he's organized, he has already thought about what he needs to do so we can go camping. He's going to clean all the fish we catch... and he's also agreed to pull mine out of the water for me, because a wiggly fish makes me scream... *wink* bahahaha, did you catch that? Let me say it again... "A WIGGLY FISH MAKES ME SCREAM". God I can't wait to go back and have amazing sex. And it will be, it's almost time stopping. .... the first time, I couldn't even think after, and I had (half) a cigarette. He said "what? Did I screw you stupid?" to which I answered "yup".... and he said "good. That's what I was going for". Oh yeesh. I'm getting shivers up my spine just thinking about it. When I think about kissing him, or looking him in the eyes, or the way he runs his fingers through my hair as I'm falling asleep, or how he pulls me onto his chest when I'm falling asleep. The way he so nonchalantly got me to snuggle with him the first time... ok, tangent. I'll tell you the story. So the second time I went to watch a movie with him, he picked Insidious... the preview alone made me jump. (funny, he tried to put on a scary movie the day before, but it was a b-list film, so it ended up being funny instead). Like 45 minutes into it, I was still having my own little freak outs, curling up in a ball... him probably trying to figure out why I wasn't jumping into his arms (he asked at the beginning of the evening "you're not one of those girls who is going to jump into my lap are you?" probably hoping that i'd say something like, "I might be" but instead I said, nope, you have nothing to worry about... ahhahahahahahah. I'm bad at reading signs lol). A couple of times he said "are you going to be ok?" until FINALLY he said "come here" and pulled me onto him. :) *swoon* I miss the snuggles. I know that I really haven't known him that long, but I really feel like I love him. On Friday I texted him saying he was going to love the cookies I am bringing back for you and he said I'm going to love you when you get back. SIGH. I seriously have so many feelings for him... and they all make me smile. He told me that this was different for him, and that he stayed up until 3am talking to his Mom about how he fucks relationships up. He told me if he starts acting like an asshole I should slap and tell him to snap out of it. He also said his Mom told him to really not fuck this up, and that I'm super nice, and maybe he'll get lucky with me. I think he's pretty much landed me, and I definitely confirmed that last night. ... and oh boy am I going to tell you the story.
Soooo a couple of weeks ago I went to a hockey social. It was a fucked up night that involved Barry's brother hitting on me, and his friend trying to hit on me... and me drunk dialing new-boy... who has a name and I shall use it now. :) The Boyfriend :). drunk dialing Boyfriend and hiding out in the parking lot in my car, then talking to him on the phone for another 2 and a half hours once the creepies had left roomie's apartment. Well last night I met up with some girlfriends from elementary/jr high. We had dinner and went to the casino. Then the girls wanted to go see male strippers. They couldn't find any so they decided we would go to Teasers, and they told me it was remodelled and more of a night club then a strip club now... but guess what... it was still a strip club. So i texted Barry to see if he wanted to go dancing. He invited me over for a beer before hand, so I went. We ended up watching football and going to the karaoke bar. I was dressed to go dancing because that's what i thought I'd be doing with my girlfriends... the boobs were out for sure. Well. I kinda thought that because I dated Gerard, and they're really good friends, Barry was like a "safe zone". But nope. There was a girl there who wanted to sleep with him, she was definitely intimidated by me like the moment I walked in with him. Her first comment to me was "I like that dress, wow, you have big boobs" I was just like... ummm thanks. I worked hard for them? I should also mention I had a few drinks last night, and I am a naturally flirty person, but after a drink or two I get suuuuuper flirty. I agree to drive other girl home because she declined the ride her friend was going to give her, so she could stay and do whatever lol. I don't know.... I gave her a ride partway home and then drove back to Barry's house. He just kinda made it easy to go back to his place, no awkward, so I'm assuming we're still on the just friends path. We sit and watch SNL. He asks me about my locket at one point, I thought he was going to try to kiss me... but he didn't. I didn't really want him to, so that's a good thing. But then like 20 minutes later he says, "fuck it, I'm going in for it" and totally plants one on me. And ya know what I felt? NOTHING. I mean, he's all muscley and attractive and successful, and I just didn't want it at all. So I pull away and I'm all "non nonononono. I really can't do this" and he's kinda thrown off because I didn't tell him I was seeing someone. I didn't think Barry would even try anything, so why would I bring it up? Gah. He was so hot. but nothin. All I could think about was driving straight through to Flin Flon and running up to Boyfriend's room and crawling into bed with him. I left and came home. I was looking forward to a drunk phone call from boyfriend but when he says "I'm probably going to be out late" he means like 6am late lol. I went to bed. What a fucked up night. Oh. I just got a text from him, he crashed at his cousins place.
I just want to go home and kiss him all over, get some good loving and spend a whole day in bed. 2 weeks from now I will be driving back and things will settle into normalcy. In Flin Flon, the only person who tries to sleep with me is Boyfriend. :D For goodness sakes, his text messages make me all fluttery. Then I think about kissing him and I get this pull somewhere between my belly button and my lady bits. And when I let my mind wander a little bit further and think about the more intimate moments we've had, I literally have to squeeze my eyes shut and shake my head a little to stop thinking about it. It's not that I don't like to think about it, but usually these moments come while I'm driving, and that could be dangerous on the road.
O oo ooo OOoo. So ya know how like 3 paragraphs ago i said i was going home a day early to surprise Boyfriend? well I was talking about coming home and saying I had a sneaky surprise... and he said he also had a sneaky surprise and needed to know EXACTLY when I would be home, like down to the hour.... after some playful banter I told him I couldn't tell him because I'm sneaky like that, but eventually decided to sacrifice my sneaky plans for his. It's ok. I'm bringing home a picnic basket with deliciousness in it. I am not sure if he has some kind of food thing planned, but if he doesn't I have got the backup plan. ;) And Monday, I've been promised a do nothing day. I am hoping it involves being lazy, playing cards, eating in bed and generally just doing nothing together. Gerard and I used to have those once in a while at the lake, but Greg never wanted to. Eventually (like at 10 or 11am) Greg would get up and be angry that I let him sleep the whole day away. Sometimes i would lie very very still tying not to wake him up so that we could spend time just lying in bed together. Not optimal, because, a know, we weren't actually spending time together, but I just wanted that quality time sooo bad I was willing to pretend it was happening. Somehow, even though we were up at 8 or 9 every morning there was always a to do list. Never did we just relax and just be together. I cannot express how ridiculously excited i am to come home to Boyfriend. I'm a bad influence on him :) He's not a planning kind of person, but he's making all these plans. Plans for a do nothing day, plans for a camping trip, plans for the run in October. Yup. we're making plans. I love making plans and lists. I made a list of positive qualities that Boyfriend possesses, and on the reverse I made a prose (oops. English minor slippage there) and cons list of dating him. I had a few cons but they weren't about him at all. Things like me worrying about my "issues" infecting our relationship. Like my abandonment issues (which I really think were just not trusting Greg and being upset when he would say he'd be somewhere/call me/come home and then not...) my "food issues" which so far won't come up, and even if we lived together, he'd NEVER know unless I told him. I get up before him and he comes home from work way later than me. Other issues? My depression... that is something I do need to tell him about. He knows I have been on medication for it, but it was a more casual conversation. ... though he does remember most of the things i tell him, even when I'm babbling. he remembered that my puggy's name is Penelope. :D
Anywho. enough babble and cheesy romance for me. Time for me to roll out to Moot. It's 2pm and I have to tell Thrym that I won't be coming to the Gimli event. ... Arg. He's going to be so disappointed. But i can't please everyone, and I need to go to the new teacher orientation.... That and I miss Boyfriend. And his dog. I miss physical contact that makes me feel special and connected to someone. I need a hug that means something from a good friend, and a snuggle and a kiss from the boy I'm about to love.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Why did I come back here?
THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE POSTED ON AUGUST 3!! STUPID ;LAKGJ987QQ5(&&*%%D#UIYIOUOUGJH**** BLOGGER....
Sorry you're going to get a double on account of stupid blogger.
Really... I lost a follower? Hahha. Must have been the strong warning last post. Oh well. But I'm all caught up on blogs now!
Life is less exciting at the moment than it has been previously, but I'm slightly thankful. It can't be GO GO GO all the time right? Also, the calming probably has something to do with new-boy.... and all his sweetness.
I left my scale in Flin Flon, so I have no idea how much I weigh. I did week 5 - day 1. It went REALLY well. I am actually starting to enjoy my running time. About fucking time too, I've been committed to this process for like 7 weeks. I think I'm going to try to step it up....maybe run every other day regardless of what day it is. This will shift my training up to the end of August (if I can actually follow through for once) which would give me the long weekend/camping event to "rest" and then i might try to train for a 10k. Depending on when the run in October, I should have juuuuuuust enough time to train up. Or I can train and just do a 5k anyway, though I think new-boy is doing the 10k.
I feel very fat most of the time right now. I see myself in the mirror and think ew. I think it's just because I haven't had any drastic changes lately, though all along they haven't really seemed drastic to me. I know that what I've accomplished so far has been relatively fast, but I've felt mostly gross the whole way... unless someone is complementing me. *sigh* I'm such an attention whore.
Alright, enough downer talk. I'll update you on my city trip so far, it's been mildly entertaining. I got here on Sunday. There was a "pity party" for those who couldn't attend the event in Pennsylvania. Drank lots of mead, got very drunk. Went for a "life talk walk" with new roomie and Norm from the Barony, who is surprisingly fun! Way more fun than I thought he was. Granted I've only ever hung out with him with Greg and Greg is the anti-fun. Life talk walk was mostly roomie talking, and then interrupting my talk time. :( Anyway. Got back to the party house and the guy who owns the house walks out of his bathroom stark naked. I mean, he was trying to get me to sleep with him pretty bad... but that was just over the top. I can't sleep with fat men... When i was with Gerard, and he got fat, his stomach resting on me, or touching me during sex GROSSED the fuck out of me. Touching Bryce made me feel ill I was even grossed out by my own stomach touching people during sex when I was super heavy. But this guy... picture this:
But without the upper arm muscles and the beard is red, and the gut is bigger.... That is what tried to have sex with me. Ugh.
Monday was a nice relaxing day. I can't even remember what I did it was so relaxing. I hung out with my childhood friend Murray. Tuesday I babysat, got hit on while driving in my car and it wasn't even 9am. Some guy in a construction truck (kinda cute) said good morning and i smiled and waved. He yelled out his window that I made his day... lol. After work went to buy a book for new-boy. :) He asked, i said i would :D he said I'm awesome, i agreed.
Today I had a day off. Went to the Farmer's Market. Brought the roomie. Then went to look at cars with her. The car sales agent the desk over was this cute black guy. During one of our trips between her agents desk and the waiting area we walked in on him doing the robot, and i teased him for it, because i'm a huge flirt. The next time we walked by he said "hey ladies, do you wanna do the robot with me?" we politely declined on the grounds that we don't know how... and went to walk away, and he said "seriously though, i like your glasses." hahah. Now one of my SCA friends is trying to convince me to drop my number off at the dealership. I highly doubt that will happen
Sorry you're going to get a double on account of stupid blogger.
Really... I lost a follower? Hahha. Must have been the strong warning last post. Oh well. But I'm all caught up on blogs now!
Life is less exciting at the moment than it has been previously, but I'm slightly thankful. It can't be GO GO GO all the time right? Also, the calming probably has something to do with new-boy.... and all his sweetness.
I left my scale in Flin Flon, so I have no idea how much I weigh. I did week 5 - day 1. It went REALLY well. I am actually starting to enjoy my running time. About fucking time too, I've been committed to this process for like 7 weeks. I think I'm going to try to step it up....maybe run every other day regardless of what day it is. This will shift my training up to the end of August (if I can actually follow through for once) which would give me the long weekend/camping event to "rest" and then i might try to train for a 10k. Depending on when the run in October, I should have juuuuuuust enough time to train up. Or I can train and just do a 5k anyway, though I think new-boy is doing the 10k.
I feel very fat most of the time right now. I see myself in the mirror and think ew. I think it's just because I haven't had any drastic changes lately, though all along they haven't really seemed drastic to me. I know that what I've accomplished so far has been relatively fast, but I've felt mostly gross the whole way... unless someone is complementing me. *sigh* I'm such an attention whore.
Alright, enough downer talk. I'll update you on my city trip so far, it's been mildly entertaining. I got here on Sunday. There was a "pity party" for those who couldn't attend the event in Pennsylvania. Drank lots of mead, got very drunk. Went for a "life talk walk" with new roomie and Norm from the Barony, who is surprisingly fun! Way more fun than I thought he was. Granted I've only ever hung out with him with Greg and Greg is the anti-fun. Life talk walk was mostly roomie talking, and then interrupting my talk time. :( Anyway. Got back to the party house and the guy who owns the house walks out of his bathroom stark naked. I mean, he was trying to get me to sleep with him pretty bad... but that was just over the top. I can't sleep with fat men... When i was with Gerard, and he got fat, his stomach resting on me, or touching me during sex GROSSED the fuck out of me. Touching Bryce made me feel ill I was even grossed out by my own stomach touching people during sex when I was super heavy. But this guy... picture this:
Monday was a nice relaxing day. I can't even remember what I did it was so relaxing. I hung out with my childhood friend Murray. Tuesday I babysat, got hit on while driving in my car and it wasn't even 9am. Some guy in a construction truck (kinda cute) said good morning and i smiled and waved. He yelled out his window that I made his day... lol. After work went to buy a book for new-boy. :) He asked, i said i would :D he said I'm awesome, i agreed.
Today I had a day off. Went to the Farmer's Market. Brought the roomie. Then went to look at cars with her. The car sales agent the desk over was this cute black guy. During one of our trips between her agents desk and the waiting area we walked in on him doing the robot, and i teased him for it, because i'm a huge flirt. The next time we walked by he said "hey ladies, do you wanna do the robot with me?" we politely declined on the grounds that we don't know how... and went to walk away, and he said "seriously though, i like your glasses." hahah. Now one of my SCA friends is trying to convince me to drop my number off at the dealership. I highly doubt that will happen
Monday, August 8, 2011
Lappy be dead.
So I dropped my laptop... but no worries. I'm up to speed on all of your blogs :D Sooooooo... life and stuff. Huh. I wish I could do a vlog but I'm on the girl I'm crashing withs super old Mac iBookG4, so no webcam.
Hello follower number 45. Are you new? Or are you the last number 45, come back because you can't resist my charm?
Weight: I have no idea... I've been weighing myself while babysitting.. but it's usually after lunch and wearing all my clothes. UGh. Not accurate at all. I just need to find somewhere I can sneakily weigh myself naked before I even get dressed..... OCD YES. At Folk Moot yesterday HE Thrym told me I was looking very slim... and another girl was talking about snuggling up on a park bench with me and said "We're both pretty slim, we'd fit no problem" she is way thinner than me, but it felt nice for people to notice.
I'm in the city babysitting for my aunt... I frickin' miss new boy. :( He misses me too. We have been texting the whole time I've been gone, and we drunk called each other every night this past weekend. He just says the cutest things. I have let a few other boys in the city down. Sax guy invited me over last night, I told him nothing could happen because I have someone... He said "well that was fast" and I told him it's not my fault I'm prime real estate. I can seriously feel myself falling in love with new boy .... jeepers. It feels so normal and natural. I like it, I like it a LOT. :D On Saturday while we were texting I told him I missed him, he said " :) just come home" followed by "I know babe... I can wait, well worth it" Seriously such a sweety. I woke up sick and he said if I were there he would bring me soup and have a lazy day with me. I just have this huge grin on my face every time he texts me. And it's all the time. I'm glad we're apart for a month. It lets me miss him and appreciate him, which you're all thinking is crazy because we were only "together" for a week before I left. But seriously. It doesn't even matter. This is no rebound. Besides, my parents had (still have, even though Mom isn't with us anymore) this epic love. and I mean EPIC in the proper sense of the word. So large that it's too big for reality, and belongs in the tales of the Norse and myths of the Greeks. This is their story:
Mom went to a private school for high school, waaaaaaaaay out in Gretna Manitoba (google it).... strange... new boy's sister goes to the same school... even though she grew up in Flin Flon haha. strange coincidence. anyway. Mom graduated and lived with her abusive boyfriend, bouncing back and forth between his place and her parents. mom worked at a restaurant in a hotel. Her best friend and some other people, including best friends brother (my dad) used to come visit her and get coffee/beer while hanging out with her at work.... Mom had a crush on dad, Dad had a MAJOR crush on mom. One day mom decided she needed to get out of Winkler. Dad offered her a place to stay in the city. She accepted, after all, it's her best friends brother, must be safe right? She gets to his apartment... it's a one bedroom. Even better... there is already someone sleeping on his couch. SO she HAS to sleep in his single bed with him....... hahaha. Go dad! He's never really had a serious girlfriend. Mom told me once when I asked that nothing happened...for the first little while anyway. About 6 weeks after she moved in with him, things must have been serious, because he asked her to marry him and she said yes! They were young, she was only 19 and he was only 23 and they had nothing. Court house wedding, my mom wearing a white sundress with little pink flowers on it, but they were seriously in love. When you know, you just know. Their love is the kind of love I want to find. They had kids young too. I was born when she was almost 20. But they made it. We were never rich or anything, actually we were dirt poor, but Mom always made sure that I didn't know. And she was my best friend, from about when I was 10. My sister and I would buy her "best friend forever" stuff. Later, my sister and her drifted apart, because she liked to rebel, but my mom and I grew closer than ever. In university I knew I could call her at 1 in the morning freaking out about a paper, or being unsure about Gerard. And she always knew what to say, not soley to appease me but to give me the advice I needed in a way that I would appreciate.
That is what I want. This is something I think I can find in my new relationship. I know it sounds like I'm putting a lot of hope into it. I'm not. Just a lot of thought. I am holding back a lot, because I don't want it to not be real, but there's this secret corner of my heart that knows that when I'm ready I'll let his light shine into that spot, and I won't feel empty anymore.
Hello follower number 45. Are you new? Or are you the last number 45, come back because you can't resist my charm?
Weight: I have no idea... I've been weighing myself while babysitting.. but it's usually after lunch and wearing all my clothes. UGh. Not accurate at all. I just need to find somewhere I can sneakily weigh myself naked before I even get dressed..... OCD YES. At Folk Moot yesterday HE Thrym told me I was looking very slim... and another girl was talking about snuggling up on a park bench with me and said "We're both pretty slim, we'd fit no problem" she is way thinner than me, but it felt nice for people to notice.
I'm in the city babysitting for my aunt... I frickin' miss new boy. :( He misses me too. We have been texting the whole time I've been gone, and we drunk called each other every night this past weekend. He just says the cutest things. I have let a few other boys in the city down. Sax guy invited me over last night, I told him nothing could happen because I have someone... He said "well that was fast" and I told him it's not my fault I'm prime real estate. I can seriously feel myself falling in love with new boy .... jeepers. It feels so normal and natural. I like it, I like it a LOT. :D On Saturday while we were texting I told him I missed him, he said " :) just come home" followed by "I know babe... I can wait, well worth it" Seriously such a sweety. I woke up sick and he said if I were there he would bring me soup and have a lazy day with me. I just have this huge grin on my face every time he texts me. And it's all the time. I'm glad we're apart for a month. It lets me miss him and appreciate him, which you're all thinking is crazy because we were only "together" for a week before I left. But seriously. It doesn't even matter. This is no rebound. Besides, my parents had (still have, even though Mom isn't with us anymore) this epic love. and I mean EPIC in the proper sense of the word. So large that it's too big for reality, and belongs in the tales of the Norse and myths of the Greeks. This is their story:
Mom went to a private school for high school, waaaaaaaaay out in Gretna Manitoba (google it).... strange... new boy's sister goes to the same school... even though she grew up in Flin Flon haha. strange coincidence. anyway. Mom graduated and lived with her abusive boyfriend, bouncing back and forth between his place and her parents. mom worked at a restaurant in a hotel. Her best friend and some other people, including best friends brother (my dad) used to come visit her and get coffee/beer while hanging out with her at work.... Mom had a crush on dad, Dad had a MAJOR crush on mom. One day mom decided she needed to get out of Winkler. Dad offered her a place to stay in the city. She accepted, after all, it's her best friends brother, must be safe right? She gets to his apartment... it's a one bedroom. Even better... there is already someone sleeping on his couch. SO she HAS to sleep in his single bed with him....... hahaha. Go dad! He's never really had a serious girlfriend. Mom told me once when I asked that nothing happened...for the first little while anyway. About 6 weeks after she moved in with him, things must have been serious, because he asked her to marry him and she said yes! They were young, she was only 19 and he was only 23 and they had nothing. Court house wedding, my mom wearing a white sundress with little pink flowers on it, but they were seriously in love. When you know, you just know. Their love is the kind of love I want to find. They had kids young too. I was born when she was almost 20. But they made it. We were never rich or anything, actually we were dirt poor, but Mom always made sure that I didn't know. And she was my best friend, from about when I was 10. My sister and I would buy her "best friend forever" stuff. Later, my sister and her drifted apart, because she liked to rebel, but my mom and I grew closer than ever. In university I knew I could call her at 1 in the morning freaking out about a paper, or being unsure about Gerard. And she always knew what to say, not soley to appease me but to give me the advice I needed in a way that I would appreciate.
That is what I want. This is something I think I can find in my new relationship. I know it sounds like I'm putting a lot of hope into it. I'm not. Just a lot of thought. I am holding back a lot, because I don't want it to not be real, but there's this secret corner of my heart that knows that when I'm ready I'll let his light shine into that spot, and I won't feel empty anymore.
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