Thursday (which i stretched into Sunday morning somehow...)

Alrighty, 3 new followers? Yeesh, You guys (though you're probably gals, let's be politically correct here) are making me blush. :)

Weight: I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA..... but the running is making me want to eat like a machine. .... Right now I'm kind of letting it happen.... I told my aunt during a heart to heart that I "used to" eat 500-800 calories per day.... and that's how I lost the first 20-30 pounds. She's doing this cleanse and shake program that you can only purchase through a doctor and dietician, but she is also rather large (like over 300 pounds). She totally understood though, apparently eating issues run in our family, only they're normally in the form of binge eating disorder, which I'm pretty sure I already have... ugh. There is NO winning.

My period has been spotty for the last week.... and then this morning it decided to be a real period! Like pinnochio (sp?).... except less phallic and definitely less fun. :P I have cramps like my fucking uterus is fighting to get out of my body. JUST STAY THERE. You need to nourish babies ... someday... in a while, because ya know, I'm starting over from scratch in the whole "life partner" "husband" "family" department. Fuck lol.

Things with the boy are rolling steadily along. We text pretty much all day and drunk dial each other on weekends. His countdown to my return will be at 18... but mine is 17. I'm coming home a day early to surprise him! Hopefully he'll want to spend the day together, now thatI'll be home on his day off (He has Sunday's and Mondays off). I'm awesome like that. I'm planning on arriving bearing cookies, and cheese from Winnipeg, because I'm awesome like that. I miss him. I know that I haven't known him that long, but I feel like we've known each other forever. I thought he would move on while I'm gone, but he DID say he would leave the "movie watching position" open. Yesterday in a conversation I told him I refuse to be a naggy girlfriend, and he didn't skip a beat. Which is good, I think I just labelled myself his girlfriend. I hung out with Eric (my massage therapist friend, who has my puggy) and I described the situation to him. He said "it sounds like you have a boyfriend, but maybe he doesn't know you do... and I'm betting that it's the same on his end". So I guess I have a boyfriend? It's official? We are going camping (I think just the two of us) the weekend I come back. Well not that one, but the one after. OMG he's just soo adorable. He likes to do dishes (the biggest fight of Greg and my domestic life together), he's organized, he has already thought about what he needs to do so we can go camping. He's going to clean all the fish we catch... and he's also agreed to pull mine out of the water for me, because a wiggly fish makes me scream... *wink* bahahaha, did you catch that? Let me say it again... "A WIGGLY FISH MAKES ME SCREAM". God I can't wait to go back and have amazing sex. And it will be, it's almost time stopping. .... the first time, I couldn't even think after, and I had (half) a cigarette. He said "what? Did I screw you stupid?" to which I answered "yup".... and he said "good. That's what I was going for". Oh yeesh. I'm getting shivers up my spine just thinking about it. When I think about  kissing him, or looking him in the eyes, or the way he runs his fingers through my hair as I'm falling asleep, or how he pulls me onto his chest when I'm falling asleep. The way he so nonchalantly got me to snuggle with him the first time... ok, tangent. I'll tell you the story. So the second time I went to watch a movie with him, he picked Insidious... the preview alone made me jump. (funny, he tried to put on a scary movie the day before, but it was a b-list film, so it ended up being funny instead). Like 45 minutes into it,  I was still having my own little freak outs, curling up in a ball... him probably trying to figure out why I wasn't jumping into his arms (he asked at the beginning of the evening "you're not one of those girls who is going to jump into my lap are you?" probably hoping that i'd say something like, "I might be" but instead I said, nope, you have nothing to worry about... ahhahahahahahah. I'm bad at reading signs lol). A couple of times he said "are you going to be ok?" until FINALLY he said "come here" and pulled me onto him. :) *swoon* I miss the snuggles. I know that I really haven't known him that long, but I really feel like I love him. On Friday I texted him saying he was going to love the cookies I am bringing back for you and he said I'm going to love you when you get back. SIGH. I seriously have so many feelings for him... and they all make me smile. He told me that this was different for him, and that he stayed up until 3am talking to his Mom about how he fucks relationships up. He told me if he starts acting like an asshole I should slap and tell him to snap out of it. He also said his Mom told him to really not fuck this up, and that I'm super nice, and maybe he'll get lucky with me. I think he's pretty much landed me, and I definitely confirmed that last night. ... and oh boy am I going to tell you the story.

Soooo a couple of weeks ago I went to a hockey social. It was a fucked up night that involved Barry's brother hitting on me, and his friend trying to hit on me... and me drunk dialing new-boy... who has a name and I shall use it now. :) The Boyfriend :).  drunk dialing Boyfriend and hiding out in the parking lot in my car, then talking to him on the phone for another 2 and a half hours once the creepies had left roomie's apartment. Well last night I met up with some girlfriends from elementary/jr high. We had dinner and went to the casino. Then the girls wanted to go see male strippers. They couldn't find any so they decided we would go to Teasers, and they told me it was remodelled and more of a night club then a strip club now... but guess what... it was still a strip club. So i texted Barry to see if he wanted to go dancing. He invited me over for a beer before hand, so I went. We ended up watching football and going to the karaoke bar. I was dressed to go dancing because that's what i  thought I'd be doing with my girlfriends... the boobs were out for sure. Well. I kinda thought that because I dated Gerard, and they're really good friends, Barry was like a "safe zone". But nope. There was a girl there who wanted to sleep with him, she was definitely intimidated by me like the moment I walked in with him. Her first comment to me was "I like that dress, wow, you have big boobs" I was just like... ummm thanks. I worked hard for them? I should also mention I had a few drinks last night, and I am a naturally flirty person, but after a drink or two I get suuuuuper flirty. I agree to drive other girl home because she declined the ride her friend was going to give her,  so she could stay and do whatever lol. I don't know.... I gave her  a ride partway home and then drove back to Barry's house. He just kinda made it easy to go back to his place, no awkward, so I'm assuming we're still on the just friends path. We sit and watch SNL. He asks me about my locket at one point, I thought he was going to try to kiss me... but he didn't. I didn't really want him to, so that's a good thing. But then like 20 minutes later he says, "fuck it, I'm going in for it" and totally plants one on me. And ya know what I felt? NOTHING. I mean, he's all muscley and attractive and successful, and I just didn't want it at all. So I pull away and I'm all "non nonononono. I really can't do this" and he's kinda thrown off because I didn't tell him I was seeing someone. I didn't think Barry would even try anything, so why would I bring it up? Gah. He was so hot. but nothin. All I could think about was driving straight through to Flin Flon and running up to Boyfriend's room and crawling into bed with him. I left and came home. I was looking forward to a drunk phone call from boyfriend but when he says "I'm probably going to be out late" he means like 6am late lol. I went to bed. What a fucked up night. Oh. I just got a text from him, he crashed at his cousins place.

I just want to go home and kiss him all over, get some good loving and spend a whole day in bed. 2 weeks from now I will be driving back and things will settle into normalcy. In Flin Flon, the only person who tries to sleep with me is Boyfriend. :D For goodness sakes, his text messages make me all fluttery. Then I think about kissing him and I get this pull somewhere between my belly button and my lady bits. And when I let my mind wander a little bit further and think about the more intimate moments we've had, I literally have to squeeze my eyes shut and shake my head a little to stop thinking about it. It's not that I don't like to think about it, but usually these moments come while I'm driving, and that could be dangerous on the road.

O oo ooo OOoo. So ya know how like 3 paragraphs ago i said i was going home a day early to surprise Boyfriend? well I was talking about coming home and saying I had a sneaky surprise... and he said he also had a sneaky surprise and needed to know EXACTLY when I would be home, like down to the hour.... after some playful banter I told him I couldn't tell him because I'm sneaky like that, but eventually decided to sacrifice my sneaky plans for his. It's ok. I'm bringing home a picnic basket with deliciousness in it. I am not sure if he has some kind of food thing planned, but if he doesn't I have got the backup plan. ;) And Monday, I've been promised a do nothing day. I am hoping it involves being lazy, playing cards, eating in bed and generally just doing nothing together. Gerard and I used to have those once in a while at the lake, but Greg never wanted to. Eventually (like at 10 or 11am) Greg would get up and be angry that I let him sleep the whole day away. Sometimes i would lie very very still tying not to wake him up so that we could spend time just lying in bed together. Not optimal, because, a know, we weren't actually spending time together, but I just wanted that quality time sooo bad I was willing to pretend it was happening. Somehow, even though we were up at 8 or 9 every morning there was always a to do list. Never did we just relax and just be together. I cannot express how ridiculously excited i am to come home to Boyfriend. I'm a bad influence on him :) He's not a planning kind of person, but he's making all these plans. Plans for a do nothing day, plans for a camping trip, plans for the run in October. Yup. we're making plans. I love making plans and lists. I made a list of positive qualities that Boyfriend possesses, and on the reverse I made a prose (oops. English minor slippage there) and cons list of dating him. I had a few cons but they weren't about him at all. Things like me worrying about my "issues" infecting our relationship. Like my abandonment issues (which I really think were just not trusting Greg and being upset when he would say he'd be somewhere/call me/come home and then not...) my "food issues" which so far won't come up, and even if we lived together, he'd NEVER know unless I told him. I get up before him and he comes home from work way later than me. Other issues? My depression... that is something I do need to tell him about. He knows I have been on medication for it, but it was a more casual conversation. ... though he does remember most of the things i tell him, even when I'm babbling. he remembered that my puggy's name is Penelope. :D

Anywho. enough babble and cheesy romance for me. Time for me to roll out to Moot. It's 2pm and I have to tell Thrym that I won't be coming to the Gimli event. ... Arg. He's going to be so disappointed. But i can't please everyone, and I need to go to the new teacher orientation.... That and I miss Boyfriend. And his dog. I miss physical contact that makes me feel special and connected to someone. I need a hug that means something from a good friend, and a snuggle and a kiss from the boy I'm about to love.