Not as bad as I thought

Well tonight was a shit show! But I weighed in this morning 212.6 so it's not quite as bad as I thought it was.

I did really well all day. Got home from school and I was only at like 440 calories. Then I for whatever reason, went into binge mode.... like I had a bag of bugles (which i bought to make munchy mix for our choir party) and a bag of oreos (to make "coal" brownies for christmas gifts). I was pretty well settled into it. Planning to eat myself into oblivion (quitting this habit is fucking hard) . . . .  and then I got this text from Hollee:

"you should ask your man about the dinner date i saw him on"

That's it. No follow up. My heart sank and my stomach felt so sick. If I could make myself puke, I would have puked up everything I'd eaten so far. Instead, I got a mad case of the other end if ya know what I mean. So I sent her a few text messages, gradually increasing in desperation and freaking out-ness. I followed that up with a frenzied voice mail. HALF AN HOUR LATER she calls me back. I've already called Mike and essentially invited myself over. Ready for shit to hit the fan. Ready to have a serious "what the fuck dude" talk with him. I'm in my car, about to drive over there (it's like a 4 minute drive. I'd walk but it's cold and there's a good chance i'll get harassed on the way, we both live in ghetto-ish areas). She says, "oh i thought that would be funny. He was out with his room mate". Well fuck me. I was hyperventilating and almost crying, and sooooo mad. Problem solved. I brought Mike the pie I baked for him, well half, he only wanted half, and watched Skyfall with him and his room mate. Then called it a night early. He held my hand even though his room mate was there, and did other cutesy flirty things :) He's a doll.

Soooo that was my evening. Yeesh. Oh and to top it off, Clayton texted me. "Hi". I asked him if he texted me by accident? he said no. i asked what's up? he didn't reply. Is it wrong that I want to drag this out a little so i can say "oh sorry. I have a boyfriend". (which is what i did to mike before i realized what a retard i was being). but clayton's  a super dick, and he's hurt me soooo many times and we've never even been on a proper date. no food together. most of our time was spent texting and him calling me at ridiculous hours for a ride home when he was drunk, minus the two weeks he tried to quit drinking and he texted me to hang out in the afternoons or at reasonable hours. but that only lasted 2 weeks. then he fell off the face of the planet again. oh oh oh or there was that time when he said "I'll take you fishing in my new boat" and i went to his house ready to go, and he was too hungover, so he said we'd go the next day, and that i should just come out to the house at like 9 and he'd make me breakfast and we'd go. so i drive out there, and his truck isn't there. i wait like half an hour, then call him. he says he's just down the road and should be home right away, in like 10 minutes. Soooooooo I park in his driveway and wait another hour. Then I try calling again, he's out of the service area, which is common up here if you're not in town. I come home, roomie is more pissed off than I am. 6 hours later he finally texts me. He says he was helping his buddy pull his truck out, which could happen, and when you go off roading up here, 6 hours is nothing to pull it out, though i doubt that's what he was actually doing. But he didn't fucking call. he should have called to say he was helping a friend and he'd call me when they were done before he even left the house. or when i called, been honest with me. Jeesus. One time Mike was coming over to watch a movie with me, and he called when he wasn't here in half an hour, to apologize for taking so long lol. *swoon*. Anyway. this is the reason i want to string him along, so i can break him. Realistically, I can't do this in good conscious out of respect to Mike. actually i don't even want to. i don't care anymore. it's done, over, the past is passed, I refuse to be angry, it doesn't change anything. It's a waste of energy and takes away from the warm fuzzies i get with mike :)

Anywho, that was my retarded day. hopefully yours were less eventful, though my crazy life does make for a few good stories.

XOXO Nessa