Well tonight was a shit show! But I weighed in this morning 212.6 so it's not quite as bad as I thought it was.
I did really well all day. Got home from school and I was only at like 440 calories. Then I for whatever reason, went into binge mode.... like I had a bag of bugles (which i bought to make munchy mix for our choir party) and a bag of oreos (to make "coal" brownies for christmas gifts). I was pretty well settled into it. Planning to eat myself into oblivion (quitting this habit is fucking hard) . . . . and then I got this text from Hollee:
"you should ask your man about the dinner date i saw him on"
That's it. No follow up. My heart sank and my stomach felt so sick. If I could make myself puke, I would have puked up everything I'd eaten so far. Instead, I got a mad case of the other end if ya know what I mean. So I sent her a few text messages, gradually increasing in desperation and freaking out-ness. I followed that up with a frenzied voice mail. HALF AN HOUR LATER she calls me back. I've already called Mike and essentially invited myself over. Ready for shit to hit the fan. Ready to have a serious "what the fuck dude" talk with him. I'm in my car, about to drive over there (it's like a 4 minute drive. I'd walk but it's cold and there's a good chance i'll get harassed on the way, we both live in ghetto-ish areas). She says, "oh i thought that would be funny. He was out with his room mate". Well fuck me. I was hyperventilating and almost crying, and sooooo mad. Problem solved. I brought Mike the pie I baked for him, well half, he only wanted half, and watched Skyfall with him and his room mate. Then called it a night early. He held my hand even though his room mate was there, and did other cutesy flirty things :) He's a doll.
Soooo that was my evening. Yeesh. Oh and to top it off, Clayton texted me. "Hi". I asked him if he texted me by accident? he said no. i asked what's up? he didn't reply. Is it wrong that I want to drag this out a little so i can say "oh sorry. I have a boyfriend". (which is what i did to mike before i realized what a retard i was being). but clayton's a super dick, and he's hurt me soooo many times and we've never even been on a proper date. no food together. most of our time was spent texting and him calling me at ridiculous hours for a ride home when he was drunk, minus the two weeks he tried to quit drinking and he texted me to hang out in the afternoons or at reasonable hours. but that only lasted 2 weeks. then he fell off the face of the planet again. oh oh oh or there was that time when he said "I'll take you fishing in my new boat" and i went to his house ready to go, and he was too hungover, so he said we'd go the next day, and that i should just come out to the house at like 9 and he'd make me breakfast and we'd go. so i drive out there, and his truck isn't there. i wait like half an hour, then call him. he says he's just down the road and should be home right away, in like 10 minutes. Soooooooo I park in his driveway and wait another hour. Then I try calling again, he's out of the service area, which is common up here if you're not in town. I come home, roomie is more pissed off than I am. 6 hours later he finally texts me. He says he was helping his buddy pull his truck out, which could happen, and when you go off roading up here, 6 hours is nothing to pull it out, though i doubt that's what he was actually doing. But he didn't fucking call. he should have called to say he was helping a friend and he'd call me when they were done before he even left the house. or when i called, been honest with me. Jeesus. One time Mike was coming over to watch a movie with me, and he called when he wasn't here in half an hour, to apologize for taking so long lol. *swoon*. Anyway. this is the reason i want to string him along, so i can break him. Realistically, I can't do this in good conscious out of respect to Mike. actually i don't even want to. i don't care anymore. it's done, over, the past is passed, I refuse to be angry, it doesn't change anything. It's a waste of energy and takes away from the warm fuzzies i get with mike :)
Anywho, that was my retarded day. hopefully yours were less eventful, though my crazy life does make for a few good stories.
XOXO Nessa
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Monday, November 26, 2012
Fuuuuck I'm gross
Anybody there? Does anybody read my blog when it pops up in their reader? Well, let's just jump right in shall we?
Weight: I honestly have no clue, but I'm going to guess that I'm up around 215 based on the amount of pie and ice cream I've been eating on a consistent basis. Along with any other shitty thing I could get my greedy little paws back on. When I look in the mirror I feel disgusting. My body looks soft and like I'm back up at 250 again. When the man I'm dating and I hit the sheets... I'm suuuuuuper self conscious. I feel just gross about everything. Time to change. Time to track calories again. Time to be honest with myself. I can't just eat whatever I want, I have to take responsibility for my actions and what goes into my mouth. I might bring myself to step on the scale tomorrow, but we'll see.... I'm scared of what I'm going to see.
Under 800 calories today... including 2 glasses of wine! WINNING
I keep trying to do this alone, and just "wing it" but I can't. I have come back to this page so many times this week. I just can't do it by myself. It ALWAYs results in me over-eating. Like binge worthy eating. I have binged more nights than not in the past 2 weeks, undo-ing all my hard work over the summer. I didn't lose a lot of weight this summer, but I slimmed down from working out every day and walking the fitness trail twice a day. Not to mention going to the beach and swimming. Oh the freedom summer allowed me. And when it's nice out I just don't feel like eating. The moment it's cold I just want to stuff my face.
Many many things have transpired since I last posted. Kat moved in with me.... and it was hard to get a blog in. She seemed to CONSTANTLY be around. After her and her ex broke up she didn't want to be alone. Actually that started before they broke up. But after she moved in with me it was suddenly assumed that we'd do everything together. Now her new bf is back in town, after a prison stint (for a second DUI) broken up by a few 2 week periods away at a camp job. He just got on with a company here in town, so she hasn't been home in like 2 weeks. She's essentially living with him, but all her shit is still here... sometimes literally. Man does my roomie know how to DESTROY a toilet. Occasionally she comes home to poop (or puke) and the toilet is fucking the worst thing ever. The last time she came home I told her she needs to clean up after her self because I can't anymore. She was gone for a whole week, toilet stayed spotless. She came home for a "nap" BOOM shit storm.
Things in my personal life are alright. Subbing isn't as great as it was at the beginning of the year. I'm pretty much working half time (which translates to NOT being able to pay all my bills lol) My friend Hollee works at the hospital at the Clinic, and they're desperate for casual staff. She was casual last year and she only didn't work 2 weeks. I don't want that much work, since I'm still trying to get my foot in the door for a job here, but something to fill in the gaps would be nice. I'm collecting Employment Insurance, but it's not enough. I applied at the hospital today, because the clinic is desperate for casual workers. We'll see how this goes.It's pretty much an office job, of which I've had many.
Love Life update: (always the longest part of my blog)
Clayton turned out to be a huuuuuuuuuuuuuge douche bag. Long story short, I started dating Mike from the ball team I played on this summer, and it overlapped a little, like I was dating two people at once. Then I chose Mike over Clayton, but then Mike and I had a weird falling out, it's a long story, and a couple weeks later Clayton and I were talking again. Then Clayton came home from camp again and he was super like not in touch. Before he came home he was calling me every night and asking me to send him a picture of me smiling. Super sweet, I want to try, kind of things. Then he came home and A) He lied about his flight not leaving in the morning. I looked it up in the evening when I was checking if his plane had left, and it said the morning flight had left. He was too hung over to get on it. B) when he did come home, he didn't even send me a text to say he landed safely up here, and the weather was shitty, and there was a good chance his plane wouldn't be able to land (like Easter last year when mine didn't... oh and i guess his too, since that's how we met. Click here to read that story) Side note - A few days before this was that Halloween social, which I texted Mike to say he should come to, which he didn't but it opened the lines of communication. Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Mike texted me to hangout or do something. Finally Tuesday, I say I'm seeing someone. So I finally call Clayton's parents house because he's staying there until the Spring when he buys his house (he has almost enough money in the bank to buy a house at the lake) and he says he's talking to his dad and he'll call me when he's done. He texts me at like 10 and is like, hey what are you doing. We talk for a bit and he's like "wanna bang" I'm like SO BAD. Then he says, i dunno it's late (by this point it's like 10:30), and I assure him that he can sleep here, heck he can even shower here, it's all good. So I go pick him up. Something just seems off. He's not sweet to me in the car. He grabs my hand, but instead of holding it he tries to put it on his dick..... ummmmmm. no? he takes a shower, we snuggle down in bed and start watching The Notebook (his choice). We do ummm have .... "relations" but it's short lived and disappointing, and afterwards there's no snuggling. He just puts the movie back on and kinda sleeps in a way that there's no way I can snuggle on him. So disappointing. That was Wednesday night. I drop him off at home on Thursday morning. He kisses me and says "call me after work" as he leaves. I figure we're ok. I miss my call to sub, so I don't end up working anyway. I wait to call him at 4 as though I were, no answer. I text him a bit later. no reply. Finally at 6:30 he texts me "If you get prego I'll fucking kill you" "Lol" "but i'm not shittin you". I reply with things like i'm keeping that message in case i go missing, and are you mad at me? or did i do something wrong??? He doesn't reply. at 9:30 I call the house... he's not there. At 10 I'm so mad I go for a drive... his truck is at the local drinking hole. I start thinking .... wow. Mike is chasing me to spend time with me and I'm letting this loser ruin my day/evening/life. I fucking hate sitting around waiting for some guy to maybe call me. And it wouldn't ever get any better with Clayton. He was with his ex 9 years, and she never knew where he was, and he was drunk most of the time when he was home from work. yeesh. How stupid have I been?
So I text Mike and say I think I've made a huuuuuge mistake with him after I see Clayton's truck at the bar. he says maybe we should go for coffee tomorrow (Friday). I say that's a great idea! The next day, coffee turns into dinner, but a quick one, because he has pool league that evening. he says i'll call you after that. and he does. *sigh* so nice to have someone call when they say they will. I should mention that the first date we had was to the drive in theater and he picked me up at my door step and paid, and didn't try to lay a finger on me during the movie, but walked me to my door and kissed me good night lol. Like old fashioned :) Even for a couple weeks after that, I'd go over and watch football with him or we'd watch a movie and it would be like no contact until I go to leave, then he'd kiss me at the door. Anyway I had like half a salad at dinner. I get all butterflies in the tummy around him. Always have, the whole summer. Every time we went out or hung out. Still do a little. Anyway. He says wanna come over? of course i do! he offers me a beer. It's a Michelob Ultra (low carb and calorie count. he works out :) ) He offers me a second, I say I shouldn't because i can't drive home with 2 beer in me after that half a salad for dinner and the roads being all slippery. he says well you can just stay over. . . . ok. 4 or 5 beer later, i'm hammered. It appears we've just picked up EXACTLY where we left off without me ever having to talk about being a psychopath lol. So that's that. We've been seeing each other 1-3 times a week ever since lol. Not super serious. We might have a small conversation via text at some point in the day, but maybe not. Dating. Exclusively, though I've never asked him. But I'm like 99% sure he's not seeing anyone else. I should probably ask, but I like the way things are going right now. I don't see him every day, and I'm ok with that. I realized after Clayton (the second time when he threatened to kill me) that I haven't spent any time alone since my Mom died. And then I realized that I can be alone. So I like this space. I like my freedom. I'm not lonely in my apartment without my roomie or a man to keep me company. I appreciate the silence. And being able to choose what music I'm listening to. And what movie I want to watch.
Anyway. I'm happy. This is the first step toward regaining my control. that and the calorie counting app I downloaded for my e-reader. This shit is not happening again. I'm fixing this now. I want to eat something soooooo fucking bad, but the thought of having to add calories to my app keeps me from doing it. Thank god. Someone or something has to keep me accountable (I'm counting blogging as the someone part)
G'night lovelies.
Weight: I honestly have no clue, but I'm going to guess that I'm up around 215 based on the amount of pie and ice cream I've been eating on a consistent basis. Along with any other shitty thing I could get my greedy little paws back on. When I look in the mirror I feel disgusting. My body looks soft and like I'm back up at 250 again. When the man I'm dating and I hit the sheets... I'm suuuuuuper self conscious. I feel just gross about everything. Time to change. Time to track calories again. Time to be honest with myself. I can't just eat whatever I want, I have to take responsibility for my actions and what goes into my mouth. I might bring myself to step on the scale tomorrow, but we'll see.... I'm scared of what I'm going to see.
Under 800 calories today... including 2 glasses of wine! WINNING
I keep trying to do this alone, and just "wing it" but I can't. I have come back to this page so many times this week. I just can't do it by myself. It ALWAYs results in me over-eating. Like binge worthy eating. I have binged more nights than not in the past 2 weeks, undo-ing all my hard work over the summer. I didn't lose a lot of weight this summer, but I slimmed down from working out every day and walking the fitness trail twice a day. Not to mention going to the beach and swimming. Oh the freedom summer allowed me. And when it's nice out I just don't feel like eating. The moment it's cold I just want to stuff my face.
Many many things have transpired since I last posted. Kat moved in with me.... and it was hard to get a blog in. She seemed to CONSTANTLY be around. After her and her ex broke up she didn't want to be alone. Actually that started before they broke up. But after she moved in with me it was suddenly assumed that we'd do everything together. Now her new bf is back in town, after a prison stint (for a second DUI) broken up by a few 2 week periods away at a camp job. He just got on with a company here in town, so she hasn't been home in like 2 weeks. She's essentially living with him, but all her shit is still here... sometimes literally. Man does my roomie know how to DESTROY a toilet. Occasionally she comes home to poop (or puke) and the toilet is fucking the worst thing ever. The last time she came home I told her she needs to clean up after her self because I can't anymore. She was gone for a whole week, toilet stayed spotless. She came home for a "nap" BOOM shit storm.
Things in my personal life are alright. Subbing isn't as great as it was at the beginning of the year. I'm pretty much working half time (which translates to NOT being able to pay all my bills lol) My friend Hollee works at the hospital at the Clinic, and they're desperate for casual staff. She was casual last year and she only didn't work 2 weeks. I don't want that much work, since I'm still trying to get my foot in the door for a job here, but something to fill in the gaps would be nice. I'm collecting Employment Insurance, but it's not enough. I applied at the hospital today, because the clinic is desperate for casual workers. We'll see how this goes.It's pretty much an office job, of which I've had many.
Love Life update: (always the longest part of my blog)
Clayton turned out to be a huuuuuuuuuuuuuge douche bag. Long story short, I started dating Mike from the ball team I played on this summer, and it overlapped a little, like I was dating two people at once. Then I chose Mike over Clayton, but then Mike and I had a weird falling out, it's a long story, and a couple weeks later Clayton and I were talking again. Then Clayton came home from camp again and he was super like not in touch. Before he came home he was calling me every night and asking me to send him a picture of me smiling. Super sweet, I want to try, kind of things. Then he came home and A) He lied about his flight not leaving in the morning. I looked it up in the evening when I was checking if his plane had left, and it said the morning flight had left. He was too hung over to get on it. B) when he did come home, he didn't even send me a text to say he landed safely up here, and the weather was shitty, and there was a good chance his plane wouldn't be able to land (like Easter last year when mine didn't... oh and i guess his too, since that's how we met. Click here to read that story) Side note - A few days before this was that Halloween social, which I texted Mike to say he should come to, which he didn't but it opened the lines of communication. Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Mike texted me to hangout or do something. Finally Tuesday, I say I'm seeing someone. So I finally call Clayton's parents house because he's staying there until the Spring when he buys his house (he has almost enough money in the bank to buy a house at the lake) and he says he's talking to his dad and he'll call me when he's done. He texts me at like 10 and is like, hey what are you doing. We talk for a bit and he's like "wanna bang" I'm like SO BAD. Then he says, i dunno it's late (by this point it's like 10:30), and I assure him that he can sleep here, heck he can even shower here, it's all good. So I go pick him up. Something just seems off. He's not sweet to me in the car. He grabs my hand, but instead of holding it he tries to put it on his dick..... ummmmmm. no? he takes a shower, we snuggle down in bed and start watching The Notebook (his choice). We do ummm have .... "relations" but it's short lived and disappointing, and afterwards there's no snuggling. He just puts the movie back on and kinda sleeps in a way that there's no way I can snuggle on him. So disappointing. That was Wednesday night. I drop him off at home on Thursday morning. He kisses me and says "call me after work" as he leaves. I figure we're ok. I miss my call to sub, so I don't end up working anyway. I wait to call him at 4 as though I were, no answer. I text him a bit later. no reply. Finally at 6:30 he texts me "If you get prego I'll fucking kill you" "Lol" "but i'm not shittin you". I reply with things like i'm keeping that message in case i go missing, and are you mad at me? or did i do something wrong??? He doesn't reply. at 9:30 I call the house... he's not there. At 10 I'm so mad I go for a drive... his truck is at the local drinking hole. I start thinking .... wow. Mike is chasing me to spend time with me and I'm letting this loser ruin my day/evening/life. I fucking hate sitting around waiting for some guy to maybe call me. And it wouldn't ever get any better with Clayton. He was with his ex 9 years, and she never knew where he was, and he was drunk most of the time when he was home from work. yeesh. How stupid have I been?
So I text Mike and say I think I've made a huuuuuge mistake with him after I see Clayton's truck at the bar. he says maybe we should go for coffee tomorrow (Friday). I say that's a great idea! The next day, coffee turns into dinner, but a quick one, because he has pool league that evening. he says i'll call you after that. and he does. *sigh* so nice to have someone call when they say they will. I should mention that the first date we had was to the drive in theater and he picked me up at my door step and paid, and didn't try to lay a finger on me during the movie, but walked me to my door and kissed me good night lol. Like old fashioned :) Even for a couple weeks after that, I'd go over and watch football with him or we'd watch a movie and it would be like no contact until I go to leave, then he'd kiss me at the door. Anyway I had like half a salad at dinner. I get all butterflies in the tummy around him. Always have, the whole summer. Every time we went out or hung out. Still do a little. Anyway. He says wanna come over? of course i do! he offers me a beer. It's a Michelob Ultra (low carb and calorie count. he works out :) ) He offers me a second, I say I shouldn't because i can't drive home with 2 beer in me after that half a salad for dinner and the roads being all slippery. he says well you can just stay over. . . . ok. 4 or 5 beer later, i'm hammered. It appears we've just picked up EXACTLY where we left off without me ever having to talk about being a psychopath lol. So that's that. We've been seeing each other 1-3 times a week ever since lol. Not super serious. We might have a small conversation via text at some point in the day, but maybe not. Dating. Exclusively, though I've never asked him. But I'm like 99% sure he's not seeing anyone else. I should probably ask, but I like the way things are going right now. I don't see him every day, and I'm ok with that. I realized after Clayton (the second time when he threatened to kill me) that I haven't spent any time alone since my Mom died. And then I realized that I can be alone. So I like this space. I like my freedom. I'm not lonely in my apartment without my roomie or a man to keep me company. I appreciate the silence. And being able to choose what music I'm listening to. And what movie I want to watch.
Anyway. I'm happy. This is the first step toward regaining my control. that and the calorie counting app I downloaded for my e-reader. This shit is not happening again. I'm fixing this now. I want to eat something soooooo fucking bad, but the thought of having to add calories to my app keeps me from doing it. Thank god. Someone or something has to keep me accountable (I'm counting blogging as the someone part)
G'night lovelies.
Monday, August 6, 2012
Holy crap, my life is exciting
I know that sounded really sarcastic.... lol. But it really really is.
Food Wise: Been doing alright. Haven`t been eating the best food but have been doing it in moderation. . . most of the time. Today I`m back to protein shakes, though I`m leaving for the city in like 2 days anyway.
Exercise Wise: I've been doing alright. Have NOT been working out every day :( Though I have tried to at least go for a walk every day. Yesterday I didn't do shit, but I'll explain later.
Men (life) Wise: This is where it gets exciting... I'll give you a day by day. So Clayton has been texting me that he's trying to come home and was going to talk to his boss to try and get home on the weekend. Here are the events that followed:
Thursday - Went out to Baker's Campground with Hollee (Tim's wife). She's not the social butterfly that I am, so it was kinda quiet. Texted with Clayton as long as I could but reception cuts out around like 10 pm hahah. At 6:30 in the morning I get a text from him that says "Good morining. I'm coming home". I'm like squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.... Oh SHIT. He's going to think I'm fat and ugly and not want to be around me.
Friday -OK. You should keep in mind before I tell this story, that there has be A LOT of sexy texting leading up to Clayton coming home. I mean like dirty stuff. Not as graphic and vulgar as Muscles, but pretty close. I spend most of the day at the camp ground. I leave around 4pm. I felt bad leaving any earlier because Tim couldn't come out until after 5 because of work and I didn't want to leave her alone, but I really wanted to go home and freak out some more. At like 6 Clayton texts me, "Is there a Tornado watch for Swan River". I look, yup there is! lol. So he powers through, gets home at like 8:30. Texts me to tell me he has to check on the horses and shower, then we should see each other if I don't have other plans. I tell him I'm just relaxing at home. He asks if I want to come see the horses with him. Of course I do! He asks me if I remember where he lives. Oh do I ever. But then he's like, wait, that's very rude of me. I'll come get you. Sooooo we grab a case of beer on the way out of town and head out to the ranch. Gosh. The horses are gorgeous. His horse is all mad at him because he's been away at camp for like 2 months straight, but his Mom's horse is a total sweet heart and totally loves me. We have a couple of beer in the veranda of the little cabin out there, and talk about life and stuff. :) Going well so far. He asks me if I want to go home yet. I say no. He suggests we get more beer (we bought a minimal amount) and go to his parents cabin (they live in a cabin) and have a bonfire. I think that sounds like a great idea. So we go to town, and come back to the cabin. Sit around the bonfire for a bit (it's late at this point) and he suggests a quad ride. Haha. He totally just wanted me to put my arms around him. So we go. It's fast and exciting. :D What a thrill, my hair whipping around (looked like shit afterwards). We get back, and drink more beer, he's all flirty and teasing me. It's adorable. Keep in mind I'm calling a 30 year old man with a beard adorable lol. Like everything I want out of life he also wants. He asks if I want to go watch a movie I agree. So we sit on the couch for like 10 minutes channel surfing, then the lays down and pulls me onto his chest. That lasted all of like 5 minutes. He was holding me and then he said "god, you smell good" . . . 2 minutes later "Ok. That's it, I'm going down on you like right now". Pulls me off to the bedroom, we're making out in a frenzy (I haven't had this feeling in forever. Billy never got to the heat of passion frenzied kisses where you just NEED to have someone like NOW). Sooooo that happens for some time and then the other things that normally follow it happen.... like 4 or 5 times. More for me, I didn't count. It was light out by the time we were going to sleep. In the morning we lay around being lazy until like 11:30. He needs to get fuel for his truck and asks me if I want to go home. I say I need to shower and stuff. He's going to Thompson to pick up his boat anyway that day.
Saturday - He leaves for Thompson at like noon. It's a 4 hour drive. I figured he'd probably stay there over night. I go to the campground for supper with Tim and Hollee at like 6. Stay there until 9:30. While I'm there Clayton texts to say he's at a buddy's place and I probably don't want to go there because the guys are a little wild. He says "I just got here" at 8:30... silly me thinks oh, he just got to Thompson.... well I guess I'm not seeing him tonight. So I stop texting him... at like 1:30 (I'm still up since I never sleep) he texts me "Come get me". I ignore it thinking he's still 4 hours away.... he texts me a couple more times but I go to bed shortly after that. At like 3:30 he calls me and asks me if I can come get him. Says there are shenanegans going down at the party he's at. I get there... there are no shenanegans lol. He just wants to see me. He's very drunk it's cute. He runs his hand through my hair while I'm driving :) I ask him where to? He says my place. I say negatory. He says well you can drive me home but only if you stay with me. Haha. Of course I'll stay, I say, but you have to promise to be good. We can't sleep with each other this time. Why not he asks. Because I don't want to just be your fuck buddy. He gets all mad and starts ranting about girls in this town, and how if he wanted one of those he would have one. I ask him why he's getting so mad. And he says well you just told me you wanna be a fuck buddy, and I just didn't want that at all. I correct him, no I DON'T want to be your fuck buddy. He laughs, oh well then. I ask him what he does want. He says, I dunno, I figure I'll get to know you a little, maybe marry ya. He also says, I'll never hurt you, I'm not that kind of guy. I say watch out, I'm a heartbreaker. He says, well I hope you don't break my heart, it would be easy for you to do. We get to his house and he starts putting his arms around me and kissing my neck (I knew this would happen.... lol. I'm awful like that). The kissing starts and then just doesn't stop. It's 4 by the time we get there, and it's at least 6 before we decide that it's sleep time and that the bed is too wet and move to the couch. Yeah. Because that's what you do on a couch... sleep. Hahahhahha.. .... we did. But probably not until like 7. At one point I tried to get the blanket out from under us, he asked what's wrong, I said I'm cold. He pulled me onto his chest and asked if I was cold now. No. :) Warm and fuzzy. We move back to the bed because couch sleep isn't that great with 2 people at like 9ish.... good thing too because a couple hours later I hear someone come into the cabin and shut his door.... half naked girl and boy on couch, not a sight for children/family members.
Sunday - We laze around in his room and fool around, fool around a bit. It's at least 1 before we even attempt to get up. My whole body is tired, his is hungover lol. We get up, his sister and her kid (who's 15) are there. I probably look guiltier than a hooker in church, he's all grins even though he feels like shit. We sit around talking with his sister until like 4 then we go to get his truck from in town where he left it. He asks me if I'm coming over? I say I need to go home and do some stuff. He says he's going to go home and go back to bed, he thinks he's getting sick yet on top of the hangover. I say text if you want company. He says he'll call me. Poor guy, like 10 minutes after I dropped him off he texts me to say he just threw up, and sorry he was such poor company. I say we've all been there, go to sleep. At like 8:30 I text him to see how he's doing. At 9 he texts back "I am so sick". Soo I figure he probably needs to be home and sleep it off. I went to bed at like 11. At 12:30 my friend Dave calls me and asks me if I can give him a ride home. Usually he stumbles home when he's drunk, and declines my offers of a ride home, but be tripped and mucked up his face and he's like 2 blocks from my house. I tell him of course. I go downstairs, with a towel, he's already there... but a towel will not be good enough. I take him upstairs and give him the proper tools to get washed up with. He spends like 15 minutes telling me he's sorry for calling me, and how he didn't mean to wake up me or anything. I tell him it's fine, I'd rather him come here and me know he's ok than hear about someone finding him in a ditch the next morning. I get him a rag, to clean up with. He's a mess, but kissing pavement will do that to you. I was standing outside the bathroom talking to him and at one point he looked up at me and winked.... and well as much as I think he's hot, we've never been those friends. He gets cleaned up and attempts to clean my counter up. Did a pretty good job considering he was using the same face cloth he cleaned up with to wipe up the blood around the sink. He's finally ready to go, we go down to my car, he's so drunk he can't put his shoes on, so he carries them lol. He also can't operate the door handle on my car. I have to move him over, open the door then help him in. He's like, you coming in for a beer? I'm like sure.... (no I want to make sure you don't face plant in your living room). His dogs, plus the 2 he's dog sitting, had pulled something out of the garbage can, so he gets the broom, I have to pee so I sneak away to the bathroom. After I get distracted by the 2 pitbulls and the 2 giant black dogs, and start playing around with them. Dave yells, hey, come ere. I go to the living room, he's sitting on the floor lol. I help him up. He gives me what I imagine he thinks is a sexy look, and then starts to lift my shirt. I'm like, HEY I don't know what you think is about to happen here, but it's not what you're thinking right now. He's like, hey, I don't know what you're talking about. I convince him it's time go to bed. He holds out his hand and I hold it for a moment, give his big toe a yank and say good night. Yeesh lol.
Now it's Sunday. Who knows what today will bring.. . . it's cloudy then sunny. Mother nature must be on her rag. Thank god I'm on the shot!
Love you ladies. Hope you all had a great long weekend (if it's a long weekend where you are)
XOXO
Nessa
Food Wise: Been doing alright. Haven`t been eating the best food but have been doing it in moderation. . . most of the time. Today I`m back to protein shakes, though I`m leaving for the city in like 2 days anyway.
Exercise Wise: I've been doing alright. Have NOT been working out every day :( Though I have tried to at least go for a walk every day. Yesterday I didn't do shit, but I'll explain later.
Men (life) Wise: This is where it gets exciting... I'll give you a day by day. So Clayton has been texting me that he's trying to come home and was going to talk to his boss to try and get home on the weekend. Here are the events that followed:
Thursday - Went out to Baker's Campground with Hollee (Tim's wife). She's not the social butterfly that I am, so it was kinda quiet. Texted with Clayton as long as I could but reception cuts out around like 10 pm hahah. At 6:30 in the morning I get a text from him that says "Good morining. I'm coming home". I'm like squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.... Oh SHIT. He's going to think I'm fat and ugly and not want to be around me.
Friday -OK. You should keep in mind before I tell this story, that there has be A LOT of sexy texting leading up to Clayton coming home. I mean like dirty stuff. Not as graphic and vulgar as Muscles, but pretty close. I spend most of the day at the camp ground. I leave around 4pm. I felt bad leaving any earlier because Tim couldn't come out until after 5 because of work and I didn't want to leave her alone, but I really wanted to go home and freak out some more. At like 6 Clayton texts me, "Is there a Tornado watch for Swan River". I look, yup there is! lol. So he powers through, gets home at like 8:30. Texts me to tell me he has to check on the horses and shower, then we should see each other if I don't have other plans. I tell him I'm just relaxing at home. He asks if I want to come see the horses with him. Of course I do! He asks me if I remember where he lives. Oh do I ever. But then he's like, wait, that's very rude of me. I'll come get you. Sooooo we grab a case of beer on the way out of town and head out to the ranch. Gosh. The horses are gorgeous. His horse is all mad at him because he's been away at camp for like 2 months straight, but his Mom's horse is a total sweet heart and totally loves me. We have a couple of beer in the veranda of the little cabin out there, and talk about life and stuff. :) Going well so far. He asks me if I want to go home yet. I say no. He suggests we get more beer (we bought a minimal amount) and go to his parents cabin (they live in a cabin) and have a bonfire. I think that sounds like a great idea. So we go to town, and come back to the cabin. Sit around the bonfire for a bit (it's late at this point) and he suggests a quad ride. Haha. He totally just wanted me to put my arms around him. So we go. It's fast and exciting. :D What a thrill, my hair whipping around (looked like shit afterwards). We get back, and drink more beer, he's all flirty and teasing me. It's adorable. Keep in mind I'm calling a 30 year old man with a beard adorable lol. Like everything I want out of life he also wants. He asks if I want to go watch a movie I agree. So we sit on the couch for like 10 minutes channel surfing, then the lays down and pulls me onto his chest. That lasted all of like 5 minutes. He was holding me and then he said "god, you smell good" . . . 2 minutes later "Ok. That's it, I'm going down on you like right now". Pulls me off to the bedroom, we're making out in a frenzy (I haven't had this feeling in forever. Billy never got to the heat of passion frenzied kisses where you just NEED to have someone like NOW). Sooooo that happens for some time and then the other things that normally follow it happen.... like 4 or 5 times. More for me, I didn't count. It was light out by the time we were going to sleep. In the morning we lay around being lazy until like 11:30. He needs to get fuel for his truck and asks me if I want to go home. I say I need to shower and stuff. He's going to Thompson to pick up his boat anyway that day.
Saturday - He leaves for Thompson at like noon. It's a 4 hour drive. I figured he'd probably stay there over night. I go to the campground for supper with Tim and Hollee at like 6. Stay there until 9:30. While I'm there Clayton texts to say he's at a buddy's place and I probably don't want to go there because the guys are a little wild. He says "I just got here" at 8:30... silly me thinks oh, he just got to Thompson.... well I guess I'm not seeing him tonight. So I stop texting him... at like 1:30 (I'm still up since I never sleep) he texts me "Come get me". I ignore it thinking he's still 4 hours away.... he texts me a couple more times but I go to bed shortly after that. At like 3:30 he calls me and asks me if I can come get him. Says there are shenanegans going down at the party he's at. I get there... there are no shenanegans lol. He just wants to see me. He's very drunk it's cute. He runs his hand through my hair while I'm driving :) I ask him where to? He says my place. I say negatory. He says well you can drive me home but only if you stay with me. Haha. Of course I'll stay, I say, but you have to promise to be good. We can't sleep with each other this time. Why not he asks. Because I don't want to just be your fuck buddy. He gets all mad and starts ranting about girls in this town, and how if he wanted one of those he would have one. I ask him why he's getting so mad. And he says well you just told me you wanna be a fuck buddy, and I just didn't want that at all. I correct him, no I DON'T want to be your fuck buddy. He laughs, oh well then. I ask him what he does want. He says, I dunno, I figure I'll get to know you a little, maybe marry ya. He also says, I'll never hurt you, I'm not that kind of guy. I say watch out, I'm a heartbreaker. He says, well I hope you don't break my heart, it would be easy for you to do. We get to his house and he starts putting his arms around me and kissing my neck (I knew this would happen.... lol. I'm awful like that). The kissing starts and then just doesn't stop. It's 4 by the time we get there, and it's at least 6 before we decide that it's sleep time and that the bed is too wet and move to the couch. Yeah. Because that's what you do on a couch... sleep. Hahahhahha.. .... we did. But probably not until like 7. At one point I tried to get the blanket out from under us, he asked what's wrong, I said I'm cold. He pulled me onto his chest and asked if I was cold now. No. :) Warm and fuzzy. We move back to the bed because couch sleep isn't that great with 2 people at like 9ish.... good thing too because a couple hours later I hear someone come into the cabin and shut his door.... half naked girl and boy on couch, not a sight for children/family members.
Sunday - We laze around in his room and fool around, fool around a bit. It's at least 1 before we even attempt to get up. My whole body is tired, his is hungover lol. We get up, his sister and her kid (who's 15) are there. I probably look guiltier than a hooker in church, he's all grins even though he feels like shit. We sit around talking with his sister until like 4 then we go to get his truck from in town where he left it. He asks me if I'm coming over? I say I need to go home and do some stuff. He says he's going to go home and go back to bed, he thinks he's getting sick yet on top of the hangover. I say text if you want company. He says he'll call me. Poor guy, like 10 minutes after I dropped him off he texts me to say he just threw up, and sorry he was such poor company. I say we've all been there, go to sleep. At like 8:30 I text him to see how he's doing. At 9 he texts back "I am so sick". Soo I figure he probably needs to be home and sleep it off. I went to bed at like 11. At 12:30 my friend Dave calls me and asks me if I can give him a ride home. Usually he stumbles home when he's drunk, and declines my offers of a ride home, but be tripped and mucked up his face and he's like 2 blocks from my house. I tell him of course. I go downstairs, with a towel, he's already there... but a towel will not be good enough. I take him upstairs and give him the proper tools to get washed up with. He spends like 15 minutes telling me he's sorry for calling me, and how he didn't mean to wake up me or anything. I tell him it's fine, I'd rather him come here and me know he's ok than hear about someone finding him in a ditch the next morning. I get him a rag, to clean up with. He's a mess, but kissing pavement will do that to you. I was standing outside the bathroom talking to him and at one point he looked up at me and winked.... and well as much as I think he's hot, we've never been those friends. He gets cleaned up and attempts to clean my counter up. Did a pretty good job considering he was using the same face cloth he cleaned up with to wipe up the blood around the sink. He's finally ready to go, we go down to my car, he's so drunk he can't put his shoes on, so he carries them lol. He also can't operate the door handle on my car. I have to move him over, open the door then help him in. He's like, you coming in for a beer? I'm like sure.... (no I want to make sure you don't face plant in your living room). His dogs, plus the 2 he's dog sitting, had pulled something out of the garbage can, so he gets the broom, I have to pee so I sneak away to the bathroom. After I get distracted by the 2 pitbulls and the 2 giant black dogs, and start playing around with them. Dave yells, hey, come ere. I go to the living room, he's sitting on the floor lol. I help him up. He gives me what I imagine he thinks is a sexy look, and then starts to lift my shirt. I'm like, HEY I don't know what you think is about to happen here, but it's not what you're thinking right now. He's like, hey, I don't know what you're talking about. I convince him it's time go to bed. He holds out his hand and I hold it for a moment, give his big toe a yank and say good night. Yeesh lol.
Now it's Sunday. Who knows what today will bring.. . . it's cloudy then sunny. Mother nature must be on her rag. Thank god I'm on the shot!
Love you ladies. Hope you all had a great long weekend (if it's a long weekend where you are)
XOXO
Nessa
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