Oh, I forgot about that!

Yesterday was Billy's birthday. I'm too broke so I couldn't buy him a gift. ... A blow job will have to suffice. :D

Last weekend I went out and met Billy's best friends :) Super fun times. I'll put up some stuff from the evening. There's a video of him and me and his bestie dancing to this wii game. The video is hilarious! After partying for what seemed like a few hours but was actually 6 or 7, we went back to his place and got some mushrooms. I'd never done them before so I was glad to be doing them with him :) It was neat :D All the lights in my house seemed to set a different mood. And when I turned off the lights to go to bed everything looked even cooler. So mellow. Very enjoyable. Not at all what I was expecting :) I was a little tired the next day... well a LOT tired lol. I napped for a couple of hours lol. Here are a couple of pics from the party:

 His best friend and I :

The girls, and Colin, who is gay :)

And the video! I'm on the far left rocking out. Colin walks in front and skanks a bit in front of us. Loreena (Billy's bestie) is in the middle, and then there's Billy on the right! He's friggin' hilarious when he's drunk. He totally just stood in front of the tv and tried to distract everyone. Gah. I really love him. :)

For his birthday yesterday we went to his Mom's friends place, who happens to be the mom of one of my students. At first I was kinda put off by one of my students answering the door, especially when I saw that another was there to hang out... but then I got over it. :) After that, we went back to his place and chatted with his mom for a couple of hours. I stayed home from school today to have a "mental health day".  Slept until 11... went for lunch with Billy at 2:30. Tonight I have choir rehearsal at 7:30... I'm going to try to seduce Billy via text message so he'll come over and have hot steamy sex with me tonight. I'm hella randy... and then I'm going to NOT binge after that. Never mind. He wants to come over and play cards and watch the hockey game... during/after which I will seduce him. Why am I so fucking horny????!! lol.

This weekend there is another party. This one for Billy's birthday. Today eating has gone well. ... I took 6 laxatives this morning and waited a half hour... and then ate a big breakfast then had the tiniest poop of my life... Then like 3 hours later I went for "lupper" with Billy. I'm going to have dinner at my apartment at 6:30... then tidy up around here. Rock out to choir and then rush home.... yum. :P

Giant salad for supper... this will work.

Wish me luck ladies. ...

almot made it....

Well for whatever reason I binged last night. Woke up at 189.9... yesterday morning I was 187.4

At least I went for a run yesterday. Billy came with me (he's ridiculously athletic) and I only ran for about 25 minutes (3.5ish kilometres) but he could keep running forever. Fuck my life. I really need to just lock my fridge/cupboards after 6:30..... FUCK MY LIFE. gah.

Fucking eh... Willpower is back? ... maybe?

Alrighty, here's another Vlog for y'all.... mostly because I'm lazy. Partially because I'm freaking out over my fatness and I can't sit down long enough to fucking write something down.

And here are pics of the boy. :)
This one is from a couple of summers ago (stolen from his Mother's facebook). His hand are ginormous... and quite proportional to other areas of his anatomy

And this one, also jacked from his Mom's facebook, is from last Christmas. :) Yup, he's always smiling. :)

He's so skinny... clearly I will look better next to him when I am also slim :)

Here's to new beginnings and re-acquainting ourselves (mostly MYSELF) with the idea of willpower.

I'm fat, what's new? Get over it.

Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah stupid period.... FUCK lol.

So what's new? Well.. I'm a bad blog friend and I haven't commented on anyone's anything for a while... Sorry. :(  I weighed 188 this morning.... which doesn't surprise me. I've been binging like a fucking fatty. I'm actually surprised it wasn't more... I feel ok about it... sort of... not really. I abused some laxies last night like they were dirty whores... the box said take 2-3 half hour before eating. So i did that. Then I took 5 more before I went to bed. I woke up at 4am and couldn't figure out why my stomach was cramping instead of my uterus. Then I remembered, and it all came tumbling out. :) Monday I'm counting calories again.... easing my way back down to my "safe" zone. I'm also going for a run on Monday morning... up at 6. I'm going to restart at week 6 of the couch to 5k program because that's the last week I completed. Run at 6. home at 6:30. Hop in the shower, half a grapefruit for breakfast. From now on it's some kind of salad wrap for lunch (just 1) but this plan will have to wait until Friday because I'm soooooooooooooooooo fucking broke. I have $30 to last until payday and I need to get milk for cereal, because my plan involves eating small snacks through the day. 2nd half of grapefruit for morning recess. One 100 calorie or less snack at lunch and another for afternoon recess. 1 MEASURED bowl of cereal for supper.... No other foods unless Billy comes for dinner. Then I'll have a small serving of whatever that is.

So camping was awesome. The northern lights were out and there were millions of stars! So absolutely beautiful. Too bad I had my period. That shit is messy when you're camping in the bush and squatting in the trees to do your business. (not that business.. I can't poop in the bush). Saturday night we listened to music from my car all night until like 4am :) Then snuggled up in my tent and went to sleep. Billy is such a snuggler. He holds me until sometime in his sleep when he inevitably rolls over. But even in his sleep when I run my fingers down his side or rub his back, or kiss his skin, he still gives a little "mm" of appreciation. and in the morning when he wakes up, he either rolls over and puts his arm around me or pulls me onto his chest. That's my favourite. It feels like I'm desirable. Well I know I'm desirable to him. I can't even kiss him without him getting all hot and bothered.

This week has been (and continues to be) blowjob week. Billy definitely enjoys my skills in this area, apparently he'd never had anyone deep throat him before. Poor boy, he's rather well endowed, and it's no easy task, but I bear my burden like a good girlfriend ;) But he does miss the rest of my anatomy. THANK GOD. Greg ALWAYS wanted me to finish him up with a blow job no matter how much pleasure I was deriving from the seldom had sex. In fact, more often than not, he's just ask for or expect a bj. Sure it's cheaper (no condoms) but his spunk tasted yucky and he fucking looked at so much porn and jerked off so often it took forever for him to finish that way (selfish bastard). When he would ask me what I wanted and I'd ask him to cum inside me, he always made me feel guilty about it. Really I didn't care where he finished up, it's just that the only good thrusting I got from him was the moments before he was done. Not so with Billy. Oh god. It's mind blowing every time all the time. And the fact that he'd rather be fucking me, well that just makes me feel peachy. :D

We spend a ridiculous amount of time together. He came over to watch a movie on Thursday night (I had to teach the next morning) and he grabbed some clothes on the way out of his room and sheepishly said "in case i don't feel like coming home" I told him he can stay over whenever he wants to.. He had previously left a pair of pants and a t-shirt at my place so he didn't have to take dirty clothes to work, which i washed like a good girlfriend. So now he has a pair of pants and a couple of t-shirts here. haha. and ya know what he left at my house? A tooth brush. A brand new tooth brush. :) Oooo we be so serious lol. I didn't really notice it until today, well i noticed but didn't think about it. I took a picture to document it because I'm lame like that. :D Look look loook!!!! I'm such a dork haha.

Mine is the purple and his is the green. Sorry my soap looks so disgusting, it's handmade and full of cinnamon. It smells yummy :)

Anywho. He's done work in a few hours and I haven't done any planning for this week.... so I'd better get rolling!!

Love you all. XOXO
Nessa

Gaaah. Fucking period.... and lack of self control

Alrighty. Hello ladies :)

So. This is what is new in my life: I have my period... I did a proper grocery shop today
This is what is not new in my life: I am still fat, I binged the first day of my period.... because for whatever reason I always do....

More details:
I weighed myself this morning after a pee... and wearing a tube dress, and after i'd hd a baby bottle of orange juice and i was at 180. The fat gods have clearly turned their heads the other way for a little bit... I wonder how long this can last. I feel like I look like shit today..... Last night Billy came over and we got drunk and watched a couple of movies and played crib until 2am (ish)... then went to bed... inevitably he got all turned on when I started kissing him. I'm taking that as a good sign lol. Had sex in the shower so as to avoid the bleeding that may or may not occur when we have sex... and it did, just not during. It was all internal and afterwards. FUCK.Woke up and had my period. It's the super light baby period like I used to get when I was 14 and first having a period and ya know what that means. It'll be another 2 week-er. Fuck. I have a dr.s appointment on the 6th. I'm going to try to plead my case for going on depo-provera. The birth control shot. Then I'll only get my period every 3 months.

Now it's Saturday. 4 hours until Billy is done work and our camping adventure begins!~!! I'm not sure how the camping avec period will work..... Fuck lol. It's a little chilly out today (only 11degrees) and it looks like it's going to rain... but we're going! Ok. Now my body has decided I don't have my period??? Jeeeeeebus. Make up my mind. Yup, definitely asking for Depo at my dr.s appt. Alright. whatever. I'll just wear fucking pads all weekend.. ugh. I'd rather wear my cup the whole time. Oh well. Soooo we were trying to get Billy's dad to lend us his truck so we could bring fire wood and a boat/canoe to fish off of. Buuuuut now there's a new plan. His dad is coming out to the lake and bringing his boat... and then fishing with us... oh god. Dad's freak me out. FUCK. Like what if he thinks I'm dumb.... what if I scream when the fish gets reeled in! Then he's gonna think I'm just a ditzy blonde.

I'll update when I get home. It's promised to be a weekend of eating, and drinking. Frack. Good thing school starts next week, and I can go back to being busy all day. :)

Have a lovely weekend ladies. :D