Day 1 success.

8 days remaining until boyfriend is home.

Alright. Today was a success. Went for lunch with some friends before one of them left town. Had a Greek Salad, dressing on the side. That was my first meal of the day. One shake a few hours after that because I felt hungry, and one more half an hour ago for good measure. I am definitely in my "safe zone" today calorie wise. :) :) :) :) Thank god. I don't even feel hungry right now and evening is definitely my danger time... but that could be the laxatives talking. I took 4 when I got home from lunch. Not my usual 6 but I figured the only food I'd put in today was salad so I should take it easy on my system.... If I get hungry later I will have an apple and some tea.

Did pilates this morning after walking home to get my car. I forgot how much work it is. It always looks so easy. I felt the burn though and I'm sure tomorrow I'll feel a bit sore, but I'm still going to do it in the morning. I think I'll walk again tomorrow morning. It's a nice little trek with a hill and some stairs.

Feeling a little bit lonely but I'm happy I have a week to abuse my body in secret.... Horrible. I know. But I gotta do what I gotta do. Last Christmas I'm fairly certain I gained like 10 pounds... this Christmas I gained 3... better but not good enough. Next Christmas I will be at least 20 pounds lighter and I will maintain!!!! Right now I need to focus on losing at least 5 pounds before the boy comes home. ... that should be easy since I was eating more calories than my body needed to maintain my current weight but not gaining... if I hack it back suddenly to my magic numbers, I should drop the weight like nobody's business.

I locked the last text message I got from Billy last night. I wish I'd been sober so I could have appreciated it more... instead of replying in a drunken stupor. He wrote "I will miss you so much. have a great time tonight and I already can't wait to see you :)". I replied with "You are too sweet. I'm so lucky to have you. :) You should turn your phone off to avoid drunk calls/messages :)" which I followed up with "See you soon. Xoxxoxxxoxxx/blow job :)". See that right there? That's my fear of rejection. He is sweet and romantic and I avoid it/ruin it. I'm sure he smiled but if it were me I'd have been disappointed that the last message I got for a week was a pervy one. Ah well. He knows what I'm like and who I am. Oh. I talked to his bestie Loreena (the girl who sat on his lap at the party a few weeks ago... don't worry. We made up) at the social and I showed her the message he sent me and I was like "I fucking love this boy" and she was like awwwww and I said "no like literally. I think I actually fucking love him... and I need to tell him. Do you think he'll be weirded out?" She said that she's never seen him like this with a girl and she's pretty sure he loves me too or he wouldn't do the things he does for me or treat me the way he does. I remain hopeful and terrified. Luckily I have a week to figure out what to do, how to say it, when to say it... fuck lol. Any advice?

K. Peace out for now biiiiitchez! (just kidding. I think you're all lovely).
XOXO