Day 8 almost over

Tomorrow Billy comes home!!!

OH, I FIXED THE VIDEO I POSTED OF ME SINGING. :)

194.5 kill me now. At least I only had 1 meal today and I managed to make it until 4:30 before I did, and I snacked on some dehydrated soy beans. And like 4 diet pepsis, and some tea. Fingers are crossed for tomorrow.... I hope he doesn't come home and think "oh god, my girlfriend is a fatty...". Today I looked in the mirror, and I looked like I was 250 pounds again. Like literally, looked exactly like it. Shit. Do I look like I wear a size 18 or 20 pant again??? ugh. Why can't I just control my mouth? (i mean my eating, not my talking)

Did pilates today after I cleaned my apartment. Also did my "shapely secrets" 7 minute workout video. It's just holding muscle contractions. I used it in second year, and they give you a little chart to track your weight and inches and there was some pretty drastic changes pretty quickly. Like in a couple of weeks there was at least an inch difference.. then I got bad at doing it. I'm going to try to keep doing pilates in the morning, possibly followed by the shapely secrets video. :) This is one of the few reasons I'm glad I live alone. I can do pilates in my living room and nobody sees me. Nobody thinks, wtf is she doing? Unless there's someone on the roof of Co-op.

Does anyone know why I can't upload a template and have it save? Grrr. I tried using different browsers but it just won't let me save it after I paste the html code... Ah well. I'm not nerdy enough to fix it.

I'm ridiculously excited for Billy to come home. Today passed pretty quickly, but this evening is draaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagging on. The rest of the time he's been gone I've been in bed by now (even if I went back out after I was dolled up for bed time). Now I'm not tired at all. I was going to make the pizza dough this evening... but I don't think Billy's mom has yeast in the house. I was going to bring mine from my house but my brain was so frazzled this morning from not eating anything and drinking coffee.

I skyped with my sister for like and hour and a half. We talked about Dad a little bit. Gah. It's not that I hate my father, but he's so hard to be around. He thinks I resent him because my mom died, I don't. I don't know, maybe I do a little bit... Maybe I resent him putting so much effort into "saving her" when there was nothing that could be done, and ignoring the rest of our family. Even when they put her in palliative care, and she had so much fluid surrounding her organs she could barely breathe, and they were draining it every day. Even when she started babbling and talking about seeing through floors and the colour of ice, he still believed she would recover. I hope that someday I have a husband who loves me so much that even as I lay dying he still believes I'll get up and walk away. Maybe it's that talking to my dad reminds me of my mom and that's painful... It's sad, but I think to myself why do we have to get along... we don't have to force it if it's not going to happen.

Anywho... I'm going to go ... not sleep. :( Frack. 21 hours until I see my baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayby. And either he loves me and misses me and can't wait to hold me, or he's realized I'm a lard-o and he can do better. Fingers are crossed.

Love you ladies.
xoxo