Alright. I have no clue what I weigh right now. It's just been eat eat eat eat eat eat eat... for the past two days. I think I'm stressed over my drunk/crying voice mail. Actually I know I'm stressed over it. I don't want to smother him, so i'm worried that I've sent too many voice mails/text messages while he's been away. I have sent 1 email, 2 drunk voice mails, and 1 text message. That doesn't sound over the top... but I'm so fucking paranoid. Fuck my life. I wish my brain hadn't been all screwed up by Greg. Anytime I showed him affection he brushed it off, anytime I initiated contact/sex/snuggling he literally pushed me off. Now I'm worried that initiating saying I love you will end up the same as with dumb-dumb. Have I told you this story yet? Well my apologies if I have already because here it is:
When I fell for Greg (in the beginning when he was nice to me and not a complete controlling asshole who wanted me to not have a job and live on a self sufficient community with no car, no job and no internet/phone....), he knew I'd been dancing around the subject of love for a couple of weeks. Finally he drove me home (gasp.. this like neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeever happened... he didn't feel it was fair for me to expect him to drive me home when i owned a bus pass. sooo many sunday's after dinner at my grandparents and he'd phone to say he got home safely (he lived out of town) and I'd still be waiting for my transfer... super douche bag). Anyway, he drove me home and we were lying on my futon and he said "is there something you want to say to me. i know you've been wanting to say it for a while, so you should just tell me" and i finally broke down and said "i love you" and his response was "now that i'm older and more mature, i realize how much responsibility those words require.. and i'm just not ready to say it". Oh god. I'm fucking scarred.
Also, sorry that the video of me singing I posted didn't work. :( I'll try to fix it when I'm home next, which might be tomorrow but might not. I have so much shit to do before they come home. I've already washed all of Billy's bedding, and I'm going to spray my perfume under the covers so the second night he's home (the first night I'm stealing him) he'll smell me and think of me/want me to be in bed with him. :) I'm a sneaky girl... or manipulative.. but i prefer sneaky because it doesn't make me sound evil. Frack. I've got it bad. I want him to move in with me and love me forever. I want to spend every morning we have off together lying in each others arms
Sooooo tomorrow's plan:
- DO NOT EAT.
- Do pilates in the morning.
- Weigh myself.
- Shudder/cry at the number on the scale.
- Make pizza dough to put in the fridge to set.
- Buy a bag of perogies and container of sour cream for the perogie pizza I intend to have ready for Billy when he comes home....
Anyway. Two more sleeps for me :( I just want this time apart to be over.
Love you girlies. XOXO
What do you mean you're not that into ponies? OF COURSE you're into ponies! I think you're in denial about liking ponies :p
ReplyDeleteOMFG male needs a slapping. What a git!
Ooooh I'm going to watch the video now :D
Love you!